A Decision Has Been Made

Over the past few months I have been going through some changes at work.  I have gone from a high paying position in the office to a lower paying position in the classroom.  Thanks to efforts from my new director, I was able to finish out the summer working full time hours.  However, starting today, I will be working 2 1/2 hours less each day, which means I will be getting a 25 hour cut for all future paychecks.

I knew this cut was coming and therefore I have been keeping my eyes open for jobs that could cover my now free mornings. I even began filling out applications for a couple of places, though I was hesitant about a couple of them.

Needless to say, I have been thinking a lot about what to do.  Should I find another job to fill my mornings or should I try for an evening job?  Should I see about changing my hours at my current job and taking on a job that I know would hire me that is only available in the afternoon?  Should I just look for something full time and leave the center entirely?  These are just a few of the questions running around in my mind the past few weeks.

Yesterday a thought came to me.  I could dedicate my now free mornings to writing rather than getting another job.

The minute the thought came to me I was bombarded by thoughts of doubt.  Seriously, you're going to spend time writing?  You know you have bills to pay, how are you going to work that out?  There is so much that could go wrong with this scenario, do you really want to risk it?  This is a HUGE decision! Are you sure you are able to make it correctly?

All day I wrestled with this idea, this thought that I could actually choose to take my writing more seriously (for real this time) and start out on my path towards my dream of becoming a published author.  I kept recalling a panel I went to a few years ago at a writer's conference.  The author who was speaking mentioned something about quitting their job to focus more on their writing.  Of course, said person was married and had another income to help support the two of them and their children, but it wasn't easy.  They still fell short sometimes.  But they did it.  They made it, and they are successful.

It is a scary thought--there's so much risk involved--and it's a bit overwhelming.  I tried to call my sister, tell her what I was thinking about and get a second opinion.  I really didn't want to make this decision on my own.

No answer.

I left a message explaining that I was wrestling with a decision, a BIG decision, and I wanted to talk to her about it.  Then I waited for her to call back.  That call didn't come.

Early in the evening I knew what I needed to do.  I went to my room, knelt down beside my bed, and I prayed.  I prayed as hard as I could to know what to do.  I expressed my concerns about finances, my fears that making this decision could lead to "catastrophic" consequences for me.  I thought that maybe I could try it out and if it didn't work I'd get another job.  The minute I had that thought however I quickly shut it down.  That kind of thinking is what has kept me from my writing all of these years.  That idea that, "Well, I can do something different if it doesn't work."  No.  I needed to decided right then and there if I was going to do it, and if I was I had to give it everything I have.

But there was still the issue of money.  How in the heck am I supposed to pay bills when I am struggling as it is, and a 25 hour pay cut is only going to hurt me more.

It was then that a clear image came into my mind.  A memory of something that had happened literally twenty four hours before this when God helped me in a small day with my money, and these words entered my mind, "You already know I can help you with that.  Don't worry."

I broke down and cried, not because I was sad or whatever, but because of the realization of how much my Heavenly Father loves me and that I didn't need to worry about money.  Everything will work out.

So, my dear readers, a decision has been made.  One that is personally life changing for me.  I will NOT be getting a second job.  I am going to use this time to focus on my writing career in the hopes that one day, sooner rather than later, I will finally reach that goal.

I ask that you all keep me in your thoughts.  And if I start to doubt, if you see that I am on the verge of backing out of this decision, don't let me change my mind.  Encourage me to keep pressing forward and to not give up.  This is a huge decision, a MAJOR decision, and I am going to need all of the love and support I can get.

Thank you all for the support you've given me thus far.  I really do appreciate it.  I look forward to this great adventure that I am embarking on.

Have an absolutely fabulous day!

Stephanie

Why I Changed the Name of My Blog

Last week I went to a staff meeting for my job.  As part of a get to know you exercise we were asked to write down a motto that represents us.  As I sat there thinking about it I couldn't bring myself to choose any specific motto.  I kept thinking of two songs that have been my own personal kind of mantras the past few months; Taylor Swift's Shake it Off and Rachel Platten's Fight Song.  I thought about the lyrics but couldn't choose a single line to use as a "motto".  So, I combined the two thoughts and, surprisingly, it worked out perfectly.

Shake it off and fight on.  Wow.  What a perfect description of my life, and a wonderful thing to remember.  I have been through a lot in my life.  I have suffered loss of loved ones, pain from the actions of friends and family, physical hardships, academic issues, financial problems, etc.  Yet, through all of the hard times I have learned to "shake it off and fight on" with my life.

There it is.  Simple, nothing huge or extravagant, yet incredibly powerful and meaningful to my life.  Just wanted to share it with all of you.

Have a great Sunday. :)

Where I Stand in Regards to Gay Marriage

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS for short and more commonly known as "Mormon").  I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.  Period.

If you are reading this and you find that statement offensive you are welcome to click that red button at the top of your screen and close this out.  I know that not everyone agrees with this and I respect that.  Please know, however, that there is more to where I stand on this subject than what I said above, and all who are interested are welcome to continue reading.

I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.  I also believe that children under the age of 8 do not need to be baptized.  I believe that there is only one God.  I do not believe in reincarnation (though I admit the idea is intriguing).  I do not believe that any one race, country, religion, sex, etc. is "superior" to all others.

Just because I believe (or don't believe) these things, does not mean I don't care about the people whose beliefs are different than mine.  What I believe, how I believe, in no way affects whether I love the people around me or not.

If you are gay and happily married or in a relationship, that is wonderful.  I am glad that you have found happiness in your life.  If you are atheist and living a happy life then I am happy for you, too.  If you don't know where you stand on the subject of religion or gay marriage or whatever, but you are happy, then I am happy for you.  I am happy for those who are happy, whatever their lifestyle or beliefs.  If you are truly happy, then I am happy for you.

Is that really such a bad thing?  Is it really so awful for someone to believe something and still love people who believe differently?  I don't think so, and I think that is what being truly Christlike is about.  Loving everyone regardless of their beliefs.

I have friends who are gay.  I have friends who are Atheist, Pagan, Catholic, Buddhist, LDS, and probably several other denominations I am not even aware of.  Why?  Because it doesn't matter to me.  I don't care what they believe.  I respect their beliefs, and as long as they are respectful of mine, we are good.


I have been thinking about the topic of gay marriage for a long time now, and for a long time I wasn't 100% certain where I stood with it.  When I finally figured it out, I was scared of saying so because I didn't know what my friends would think of me or if their opinions of me would change.  Then I realized, it doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter what my friends may think of me because if they are my friends they will love me regardless of how I feel about certain topics.

I believe in love.  Love for our families regardless of the things they do or do not do.  Love for our friends even when they let us down.  Love for our neighbors no matter their beliefs, lifestyles, or actions towards us.  Love for our world in spite of our differences.

What about people that don't believe like I do (or who do believe like I do) that are not being respectful towards others?  I love them too.  I may not like what they are doing, but I still love them.

See, love isn't about who you marry.  It isn't about your family, race, country, religion, sexual orientation, gender, political affiliation, age, social standing, etc.  It is about wanting good for others.  When you truly love people, you want good for them, whatever that is.  You want them to be happy, truly happy.  Happiness is different for everyone.

I believe in Christ.  I believe in the Gospel as taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  And what I believe or what you believe does not change the fact that I love you.

Period.

Cloudy Days

Today's post for Project #becauseimhappy:

Cloudy days make me happy! #becauseimhappy#nature #beautifulmorning

I don't know what it is about cloudy days that I find so...beautiful, refreshing, and just purely wonderful. Maybe it's because the sky seems so alive when the clouds are there, moving along slowly, just waiting to give us the moisture they are holding. They are majestic. Nature is majestic, and I am happy that I get to experience it.

Something about rain. My mom loved the rain. I remember days when I was a child where we would sit together on our porch and watch the lightning storms, enjoying the smell and feel of the coming rain. 

Since her passing, there have been several times when I felt my mom's love in the rain. While I was in Ephraim I blogged about such an experience. My first summer in West Jordan I was going through a rough time. One day, while out with my friends, it started to pour rain, and I had the thought that it was like a giant hug from her.

I hope you all have a happy day. And if your day isn't going so well, just find a small thing to be grateful for. It's the little things that can really make a huge difference in our lives. No joke.

Love you all!

Tender Mercy Tuesday (Yes, I know it's Wednesday)

I had every intention of posting yesterday for Tender Mercy Tuesday and I totally forgot. I know I posted for Project #becauseimhappy, but that doesn't count. I had considered skipping it, since it is now Wednesday and therefore "too late" for a Tuesday post. However, I decided that was not a reasonable excuse. Whether we recognize the Tender Mercies in our lives when they happen, or a day late, as long as we recognize them, it's all that matters.

This week's tender mercy happened last Friday, October 31. I was at work, waiting for L, one of the boys in my two year old class, to be picked up. Friday was L's last day in my class, as he is now three and has moved up to the older class.

Earlier that day, L was having a hard time with helping to clean up. So I asked him if he was going to be a Bumblebee (which is what we call the three's class) on Monday. After he answered in the affirmative, I then asked him to show me how a big Bumblebee would clean up. He hesitated for only a moment, but was quick to help after that. I was very proud of him.

It wasn't until later that I realized L had been sad when I asked if he would be a Bumblebee. Until last week, it was all talk. "Oh L, you're going to be a Bumblebee soon", "L, you are getting so big! Are you excited to be a Bumblebee soon?" It wasn't until Friday that an actual limit was placed on his time as a Ladybug. Knowing that it wasn't just talk, that it was actually going to happen, he seemed more hesitant about the idea.

Before L's mom picked him up, I was sitting with him on the ground outside. He looked at me and said, "Miss. Stephanie?"

Now, you have to understand, my Ladybug's don't always address me by my name. It's usually "teacher" or, for those who haven't learned the difference, "mama". So having L use my name caught my attention.

"Yes, L?" I replied.

"I love you."

It was a simple phrase, and one that he had said to me before, but this time it was different. It was as if he knew what was coming and wanted to give a "final testimonial" to me. I was really touched.

"Aw, I love you too, L."

And that was it. No further conversation, we just sat together quietly, enjoying the nice fall weather.

I am so grateful for my job. For all of the stress and the hard times, it has truly been a blessing in my life, and a sweet reminder of how much our Heavenly Father loves all of His children. Learning to care for an love kids that I have not had the privilege of bringing into this world myself, I can't imagine Heavenly Father not loving us, his very own.

Have an awesome week everyone!

Riding the Train and Weird Conversations

When I started thinking about my #becauseimhappy project, I was planning to just post the pictures and leave it at that, occasionally add some quotes. However, I decided today that I would write an actual blog post about the pictures I took, explain what it is about that particular thing that makes me happy.

This was yesterday's photo and the caption with it:

Riding the train to work with my dad makes me happy!#becauseimhappy #beautifulmorning

A little over a month ago my car broke down. As a result I started taking the the train to work with my dad. He has to be to work an hour before I do, but I preferred getting a ride to and from the station from him, rather than walking. Plus, it's nice to ride the train with my dad.

Granted, we don't always talk, sometimes we just sit in companionable silence, and there are days when we can't sit next to each other so conversation isn't possible, but it's nice to have the option, to know that I could talk to him if I needed to. Sometimes it really doesn't matter if you talk about important things, or even at all. It's having the ability to talk, having a chance to talk with each other that makes a difference. Because cutting out time in your day so that you can actually talk with the people you care about is important. 

Here's the photo from today and it's caption:

Weird conversations with my best friend make me happy. #becauseimhappy #itsgonabeagoodday #bff#loveit

I cannot tell you how many weird conversations I have had with my friends. They range anywhere from our favorite geekdoms to things happening in our every day lives, to random thoughts we have that just NEED to be shared. I've even had a religious conversation about fangirl feels (don't ask).

Like I said before, it doesn't matter what you talk about, or if you talk about. It's being able to talk and to spend time with the other person. It's giving your time and getting time from them, no matter how odd or unorthodox it may seem

I hope you are all doing well, and that you are having a very happy day!

Because I'm Happy

Last week I posted a picture on Instagram with the hashtag #becauseimhappy. This post sparked an idea in my mind for a personal project that I want to do.

Every day, for the next nine weeks, I will be posting a picture of something that makes me happy. Along with these photos I will include a thought about happiness to share with anyone who is interested.

Here is my first photo:

See that leaf? Know what it means? It's from the Ancestry.com website. It's telling me that there may be more documents and files pertaining to some of my ancestors.

My mom was very much into family history. I remember as a small child going to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building with my mom as she did genealogy. I mostly wanted to go so that i could soon around in the big computer chairs. As genealogy became available for use in the home, my mom would commandeer the computer every Sunday to do family history work. She would tell stories about my ancestors that she'd found, and I remember the feeling of curiosity about those people who have gone on before me.

After my mom passed away, no one in my family really did a lot of genealogy, or family history work. Every once in a while someone would find something, but that was the extent of it.

 In my final semester at Snow College, I decided to take the Institute's Family History class. For for months I would spend an hour, two days a week, at the Family History Center in Ephraim. During that time I would search out names and dates for my ancestors.

I learned that one of my ancestors lost his first son while living in England. After the death of their child, he and his wife moved to the United States. I felt a small twinge in my heart, wondering if these parents were ever able to go back to England and visit their son's grave. That twinge grew into a desire to locate exactly where he was buried, with the hope that one day I could go to his grave myself and pay my respects.

After reading my ancestor's personal history, I tried to search for the cemetery where his son was is buried. When my own searching did not provide any results, I reached out to some clergymen in England that I thought might be able to help me. They were able to forward my information to a gentleman who worked with the archives for the area, and, I'm happy to say, I was able to get the information I needed.

Ever since then, my interest in the stories and histories of my ancestors has grown. When I signed up for Ancestry.com, I had no idea the excitement I would feel as I found more and more information about my ancestors and their families.

So, there's my happy moment for today. We'll see what tomorrow has in store!

P.S. I encourage all who are interested to participate and create their own #becauseimhappy campaigns. Feel free to post how it's going. I'd be happy to hear about it!