A Heart Filled with Gratitude

My heart is full of gratitude this morning.  I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is very much aware of exactly what we need in our life and when we need it.  I am grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and for the opportunity I have to watch General Conference every April and October.

Last weekend was the 185th Semi-Annual General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS or "Mormon" as they are commonly called).  There were so many amazing talks given and I truly felt the spirit in each session (cried like a baby every session, too, which honestly isn't anything new).

I will be reading the talks shared at conference over the next few days, sharing my thoughts and feelings here on my blog as I do, so get ready for some seriously spiritual stuff over the next week or two!  But first, I have some thoughts to share right now.

Saturday morning for the closing hymn the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang "Come, Come, Ye Saints".  For those who may not know, this particular hymn was written by William Clayton, an early member of The Church, while crossing the plains to Utah.  

As I listened to the song I had a sudden realization.  You see, in the past whenever I heard the song I always thought about all of the pains and struggles of those early Pioneers, getting really emotional as the words of the hymn struck a chord in my heart.  But that morning, for the first time ever, I heard the song as a message to me and other Latter-Day Saints, especially those first two verses:

Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;

But with joy wend your way.

Though hard to you this journey may appear,

Grace shall be as your day.

'Tis better far for us to strive

Our useless cares from us to drive;

Do this, and joy your hearts will swell--

All is well! All is well!

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?

'Tis not so; all is right.

Why should we think to earn a great reward

If we now shun the fight?

Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.

Our God will never us forsake;

And soon we'll have this tale to tell--

All is well! All is well! 

This song was written for the Saints.  Not the early pioneers, not those who crossed the plains, but the Saints, including us!  After all, our church does say Latter-Day Saints, doesn't it?  We may not have to cross the plains in covered wagons, leaving behind our homes and many of our physical, worldly possessions.  But we do have to sacrifice, we do face trials that test our faith every day of our lives.  Temptations that will lead us to question our faith, the Prophet, even God.  Trials that sometimes feel like there is no way to get out of them.

Courage, brothers and sisters.  Courage, because God is on our side.  He is ALWAYS on our side.  He wants us to be our best, to have the very best and to return to him.  He wants us to be happy, truly happy.  And it is through Him who gave all that we can attain that true happiness.  Happiness like we have never felt with the things of the world, or the expectations and standards of society.  This happiness transcends this earth, spans into eternity.

If you are struggling with your faith, if you are feeling bogged down by the world or by mistakes you ave made, please, please, please do NOT give up.  Satan is trying every minute of every day to bring us down, to make us as miserable as he is.  Do not let him win.  I know that is easier said than done.  Trust me, it has taken me years to get where I am today and I still struggle.  But if we take it one day at a time, putting our faith in God and in our Savior each morning when we wake up, we can and we will be able to make it back to them. 

I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the truthfulness of the Gospel.  I am grateful for parents who raised me in the church, and for my ancestors who were first willing to hear the message of the Gospel so that I could have the privilege of living it every day of my life. 

Have an awesome Thursday my friends.  Stay strong, and smile!

I'm Just the Writer

In high school I wrote a short piece of fiction regarding writer's block.  The protagonist of the story, a writer, is taking a stroll through the world she has created, admiring the many elements and characters she is surrounded by, when she is stopped abruptly by the appearance of a brick wall. She tries desperately to get around the mass, attempting to walk around it, climb it, and even break it down by ramming into it with her shoulder.

I won't spoil how it ends--if you want to know, you can click this link and read it yourself.  The reason I am bringing this up is because at one point in the story I mention something about being the "God of this universe" and how I am in control of everything that happens.  While it is true, to a degree, there is a degree of falsehood as well, something that I only just learned yesterday.

I have been spending some time working on a story that I was really excited about.  I knew certain elements of the story--characters, setting, some of the events--but for some reason that I couldn't figure out, I had no idea what the actual plot was.  What was the purpose of the story?  Why were the characters acting the way they were or doing the things they were doing?  After weeks of hammering and poking and prodding I decided yesterday to give up on it, at least temporarily, and turn to another story.

The second story I chose to work on has a plot, as well as a basic outline for what I think will happen (when it comes to writing, nothing is set in stone until it is done).  I began rereading what I have already written of this story and as I did a switch was flipped and a light came on in my mind.  I knew what was wrong in the first story.  I knew why it wasn't working, why I was struggling.

You see, the whole premise for the story came about from a little "what if" that I had one day about two classic fiction characters.  I had imagined that one of them, the male character, had gotten his powers from the female character and that the two of them had fallen in love (basically).  The idea was intriguing, inspiring, to the point where I had to write it, to make it happen somehow.

I'm not sure how it happened, but I reached a point where the direction I was going with the story, what I had been trying to make the story do, was so far from that original idea that it didn't even exist anymore.  The male character hadn't fallen in love with that female character and who they were as people was completely off from what I had initially imagined.  I had over complicated the story, tried to put together puzzle pieces that didn't make sense and that weren't even supposed to be on the same board.  I tried to write what I wanted, not what happens in the story, and that was my biggest mistake.

When it comes to writing, yes, as the writer I have the power to do whatever I want.  I can decide whether someone will live or die in the story, whether the hero turns out to be the villain, or whether the monsters are all in your head.  I can write whatever I want.  But, if I want to be a good writer, if I want to actually create something worth reading, I have to listen to the story.  I have to step aside when what I want contradicts what actually has to happen.

What non-writers don't get is that when it comes to writing fiction the story isn't just something we make up on the fly.  It isn't some witty comeback that suddenly pops into our head when it is most convenient.  We don't create it all by ourselves and by our own merits alone.  It's more than us, more than just our own desires and experiences.  It's an entity all its own.  It exists, out in the universe, and it's waiting to be told.  Waiting for the right person to come and stay long enough to listen.  To tell the story contrary to what it actually is, is to lie.

I am not some omniscient being who knows all, sees all, controls all.  I am an observer watching the events unfold and recording them as they take place.  I am a detective, piecing together the parts of the story and pressing forward until the mystery is solved and the tale is complete.  I am a friend, listening to the characters as they reveal their secrets, their hopes, dreams, and their deepest regrets. 

I am not a god.  I'm just the writer.

A Decision Has Been Made

Over the past few months I have been going through some changes at work.  I have gone from a high paying position in the office to a lower paying position in the classroom.  Thanks to efforts from my new director, I was able to finish out the summer working full time hours.  However, starting today, I will be working 2 1/2 hours less each day, which means I will be getting a 25 hour cut for all future paychecks.

I knew this cut was coming and therefore I have been keeping my eyes open for jobs that could cover my now free mornings. I even began filling out applications for a couple of places, though I was hesitant about a couple of them.

Needless to say, I have been thinking a lot about what to do.  Should I find another job to fill my mornings or should I try for an evening job?  Should I see about changing my hours at my current job and taking on a job that I know would hire me that is only available in the afternoon?  Should I just look for something full time and leave the center entirely?  These are just a few of the questions running around in my mind the past few weeks.

Yesterday a thought came to me.  I could dedicate my now free mornings to writing rather than getting another job.

The minute the thought came to me I was bombarded by thoughts of doubt.  Seriously, you're going to spend time writing?  You know you have bills to pay, how are you going to work that out?  There is so much that could go wrong with this scenario, do you really want to risk it?  This is a HUGE decision! Are you sure you are able to make it correctly?

All day I wrestled with this idea, this thought that I could actually choose to take my writing more seriously (for real this time) and start out on my path towards my dream of becoming a published author.  I kept recalling a panel I went to a few years ago at a writer's conference.  The author who was speaking mentioned something about quitting their job to focus more on their writing.  Of course, said person was married and had another income to help support the two of them and their children, but it wasn't easy.  They still fell short sometimes.  But they did it.  They made it, and they are successful.

It is a scary thought--there's so much risk involved--and it's a bit overwhelming.  I tried to call my sister, tell her what I was thinking about and get a second opinion.  I really didn't want to make this decision on my own.

No answer.

I left a message explaining that I was wrestling with a decision, a BIG decision, and I wanted to talk to her about it.  Then I waited for her to call back.  That call didn't come.

Early in the evening I knew what I needed to do.  I went to my room, knelt down beside my bed, and I prayed.  I prayed as hard as I could to know what to do.  I expressed my concerns about finances, my fears that making this decision could lead to "catastrophic" consequences for me.  I thought that maybe I could try it out and if it didn't work I'd get another job.  The minute I had that thought however I quickly shut it down.  That kind of thinking is what has kept me from my writing all of these years.  That idea that, "Well, I can do something different if it doesn't work."  No.  I needed to decided right then and there if I was going to do it, and if I was I had to give it everything I have.

But there was still the issue of money.  How in the heck am I supposed to pay bills when I am struggling as it is, and a 25 hour pay cut is only going to hurt me more.

It was then that a clear image came into my mind.  A memory of something that had happened literally twenty four hours before this when God helped me in a small day with my money, and these words entered my mind, "You already know I can help you with that.  Don't worry."

I broke down and cried, not because I was sad or whatever, but because of the realization of how much my Heavenly Father loves me and that I didn't need to worry about money.  Everything will work out.

So, my dear readers, a decision has been made.  One that is personally life changing for me.  I will NOT be getting a second job.  I am going to use this time to focus on my writing career in the hopes that one day, sooner rather than later, I will finally reach that goal.

I ask that you all keep me in your thoughts.  And if I start to doubt, if you see that I am on the verge of backing out of this decision, don't let me change my mind.  Encourage me to keep pressing forward and to not give up.  This is a huge decision, a MAJOR decision, and I am going to need all of the love and support I can get.

Thank you all for the support you've given me thus far.  I really do appreciate it.  I look forward to this great adventure that I am embarking on.

Have an absolutely fabulous day!

Stephanie

Why I Changed the Name of My Blog

Last week I went to a staff meeting for my job.  As part of a get to know you exercise we were asked to write down a motto that represents us.  As I sat there thinking about it I couldn't bring myself to choose any specific motto.  I kept thinking of two songs that have been my own personal kind of mantras the past few months; Taylor Swift's Shake it Off and Rachel Platten's Fight Song.  I thought about the lyrics but couldn't choose a single line to use as a "motto".  So, I combined the two thoughts and, surprisingly, it worked out perfectly.

Shake it off and fight on.  Wow.  What a perfect description of my life, and a wonderful thing to remember.  I have been through a lot in my life.  I have suffered loss of loved ones, pain from the actions of friends and family, physical hardships, academic issues, financial problems, etc.  Yet, through all of the hard times I have learned to "shake it off and fight on" with my life.

There it is.  Simple, nothing huge or extravagant, yet incredibly powerful and meaningful to my life.  Just wanted to share it with all of you.

Have a great Sunday. :)

Where I Stand in Regards to Gay Marriage

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS for short and more commonly known as "Mormon").  I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.  Period.

If you are reading this and you find that statement offensive you are welcome to click that red button at the top of your screen and close this out.  I know that not everyone agrees with this and I respect that.  Please know, however, that there is more to where I stand on this subject than what I said above, and all who are interested are welcome to continue reading.

I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God.  I also believe that children under the age of 8 do not need to be baptized.  I believe that there is only one God.  I do not believe in reincarnation (though I admit the idea is intriguing).  I do not believe that any one race, country, religion, sex, etc. is "superior" to all others.

Just because I believe (or don't believe) these things, does not mean I don't care about the people whose beliefs are different than mine.  What I believe, how I believe, in no way affects whether I love the people around me or not.

If you are gay and happily married or in a relationship, that is wonderful.  I am glad that you have found happiness in your life.  If you are atheist and living a happy life then I am happy for you, too.  If you don't know where you stand on the subject of religion or gay marriage or whatever, but you are happy, then I am happy for you.  I am happy for those who are happy, whatever their lifestyle or beliefs.  If you are truly happy, then I am happy for you.

Is that really such a bad thing?  Is it really so awful for someone to believe something and still love people who believe differently?  I don't think so, and I think that is what being truly Christlike is about.  Loving everyone regardless of their beliefs.

I have friends who are gay.  I have friends who are Atheist, Pagan, Catholic, Buddhist, LDS, and probably several other denominations I am not even aware of.  Why?  Because it doesn't matter to me.  I don't care what they believe.  I respect their beliefs, and as long as they are respectful of mine, we are good.


I have been thinking about the topic of gay marriage for a long time now, and for a long time I wasn't 100% certain where I stood with it.  When I finally figured it out, I was scared of saying so because I didn't know what my friends would think of me or if their opinions of me would change.  Then I realized, it doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter what my friends may think of me because if they are my friends they will love me regardless of how I feel about certain topics.

I believe in love.  Love for our families regardless of the things they do or do not do.  Love for our friends even when they let us down.  Love for our neighbors no matter their beliefs, lifestyles, or actions towards us.  Love for our world in spite of our differences.

What about people that don't believe like I do (or who do believe like I do) that are not being respectful towards others?  I love them too.  I may not like what they are doing, but I still love them.

See, love isn't about who you marry.  It isn't about your family, race, country, religion, sexual orientation, gender, political affiliation, age, social standing, etc.  It is about wanting good for others.  When you truly love people, you want good for them, whatever that is.  You want them to be happy, truly happy.  Happiness is different for everyone.

I believe in Christ.  I believe in the Gospel as taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  And what I believe or what you believe does not change the fact that I love you.

Period.