Be Happiness

Lately, I have been struggling. Stresses of work, doing school full time while also working full time, general changes going on in my life, and feelings of inadequacy/mediocrity as I see all of the amazing things that my friends and family are doing with their lives have all been weighing on my mind.

Before the semester started I decided to take a morning LDS Institute class. For those who do not know, Institute is an opportunity for members of the LDS church, mostly young single adults, to delve deeper into the doctrines of our church, learn more about the scriptures, and to hear and receive insights from our peers regarding our beliefs and or questions we may have, far beyond what we may get in our weekly church meetings.

After signing up for the class I was pleasantly surprised to find that the course would be co-taught, and one of the instructors taught my Freshmen Seminary class (like Institute, but for high school students) when I was a in high school.

This morning, as I left the classroom, I heard my teacher tell someone to "Be happiness." The words were familiar, as he had said these same words at the end of every class when I was in high school. I cannot express the joy and comfort I felt in hearing those words again.

In a world where it is so easy to be sad, angry, and just all around negative about, well, everything, it is crucial for us to remember to "Be happiness." Not just to "Be happy" or to "Find happiness", but to be happiness itself, to exemplify it, and most importantly, to share it with others.

I encourage everyone to actively seek to "Be happiness", and to not be afraid to share it with others. It isn't easy, believe me, I have struggled with it A LOT lately. But it is not impossible either.

I want you to know that should you find yourself in a place or a moment where you just can't seem to bring yourself to "Be Happiness", know that that is 100% okay. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to have hard days, weeks, months, even years. Just please don't give up. If you need help, resources, or just a shoulder to lean on, I am here. And if it is something that I can't directly help you with, I am happy to help you find someone who can.

I love you all!

This One's for You, Mom.

This morning I had the opportunity to do a little shopping with my sisters.  It wasn't a big shopping trip--we only hit one store, and we were there less than an hour--but it was nice to spend some time with them.  Especially today.

For our shopping excursion, we went to a jewelry and apparel store at a shopping center near my dad's house.  I had gone with the intention of finding an extender for a necklace I had purchased from the same store last week, and perhaps look for a few more accessories to add to my daily attire.  We looked at the beautiful rings, necklaces, earrings, and I even convinced my little sister to peruse the bridal jewelry and accessories (a truly remarkable feat for anyone who knows her).

As we looked through the store's colorful clearance jewelry a particular bracelet caught my eye.  It was a simple thing, with round, rust colored beads and three small charms on it.  Nothing fancy, but that was precisely why it caught my eye.

"This would be a good one," I said, turning to my sisters.  "Especially for today."

My sisters nodded in agreement, and we soon found ourselves searching for more orange colored jewelry.  While it wasn't difficult finding the orange pieces, some of them just weren't right.  Some were flashy and flamboyant, others were just too fancy.  For a moment I thought I might not find the right one.

That's when I saw it.  An orange beaded necklace, big enough to pull over your head, with two different shades of orange that matched the woven hemp ends.  It wasn't fancy, probably not something you would wear to some high class social function.  But it was perfect.  Because it was exactly the kind of thing she would have worn.

So I bought it, and it now hangs around my neck as I write this post.

On the drive home I thought about the necklace, and the personal significance of today.  I turned down the radio and sat in silence for a moment.

"Happy Birthday, Mom,"  I said quietly.  "I miss you."

Today I thought of all the times that my mom has been there for me, both in life and even since her death.  I have felt her presence on so many occasions, particularly in those moments when I am feeling at my lowest.  She has been with me when I have been sick or hurt.  She has been with me when my heart was filled with joy and she has been with me in those moments of shear heartache and sorrow.

This past year, I had the privilege of attending the Mark Hamill and William Shatner panels at the Salt Lake Comic Con.  My mom was a big fan of both Star Wars and Star Trek, and being in that room with these men who portrayed such iconic characters from these shows was truly a blessing.  For those few hours I felt connected to her.

That night, as I prepared for bed, I replayed the events of the day.  Soon I was talking to my mom about how incredible it was and how much I wished she could have been there to experience it as well, to see them on stage and listen to them talk about their experiences as Luke Skywalker and Captain James T. Kirk. As the words came out of my mouth I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement.  Excitement that wasn't mine.  It was as if my mom were telling me, "I was there with you! And yes, it was exciting!"

Tears filled my eyes as I was reminded of just how thin the veil that separates the living from the dead really is.

I firmly believe that our loved ones who have passed on are just as involved in our lives as they were when they were still here, sometimes even more so.  They don't just sit around waiting for us to see them again, they aren't too busy doing other "heavenly/after life duties" to be here with us.  And their love for us is never ending.

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loved his children so much that he put into place a plan that would allow for families to be together forever.  It isn't until "death do us part", it is FOREVER, meaning those ties don't end when someone dies.

So today, I dedicate this post to the woman that I have had the great honor and privilege of calling "mother".  The woman who raised me to be kind to and accepting of others, no matter their race, religion, or personal beliefs and opinions.  The woman who taught me to love my family, no matter their shortcomings or mistakes.  The woman who loved children, and did so much to help them as they grew into adolescents, and even into adulthood.  The woman whose blood I am proud to have run through my veins, and whose name and legacy I hope to pass on to my children, and my grandchildren, and many more generations after me.

This one's for you, Mom.