The past few months have been a struggle.  I have been balancing school and work, both of which have been points of stress.  School hasn't been as much of a problem (just making time mostly).  Work has been stressful as I have dealt with an array of problems and people's attitudes and criticisms.  Not to mention witnessing my incredible coworkers struggles as they've had to deal with some of the same issues as well.  To top it off, yesterday my apartment had plumbing problems and I had to miss the first day of a writer's symposium that I have been looking forward to for months.

As I turned my car around and began driving back to my apartment to deal with the plumbing problems I found myself plagued by feelings of despair, disappointment, inadequacy.  I began talking with God, as I often do when I feel this way, and let all of the feelings and thoughts come pouring from my lips.  I was done. I was done caring so much about everything and everyone.  I was done hoping for good things to happen.  I was done with expecting happiness in my life because it always seemed just beyond my reach.  And honestly, I was doubting whether or not I deserved it.

I got to my apartment and spent the day sitting around as people came in and out trying to asses how to resolve the issues.  My spirits lifted a little as the day dragged on but I still a bit melancholy.  The plumbing problems had been mostly resolved by the time I had to go to class, which meant that once class was over I would be able to attend the rest of the symposium.  Finally, something good!

This morning as I waited for one of my panels to start I decided to go over some poetry I wrote back in August for a Poetry Marathon, editing a few things here and there, and listening to a playlist I created to help me keep in the writing mood.

I was reviewing a poem entitled "Dear Future Self" when the song "From Now On" from the soundtrack for The Greatest Showman came on.  I didn't think much of it--far to focused on the task at hand--but as I read the poem and as the music built an incredible thing happened.  I came to the end of the poem and read the words, my words:

". . . I hope we are still smiling each day
or at least as often as we can.
I hope we know that we are loved.

Dear Future Self,
Please know that I am still rooting for us.
I still have hope for us.
I still believe in us. . . ."

Then I heard these words:

"And we will come back home
And we will come back home
Home again."

Tears formed in my eyes (and they're doing it again!) as an overwhelming sense of love flooded over me.  It was an affirmation.  Not only did my Heavenly Father hear everything I had said just 24 hours earlier, He was letting me know that I was wrong.  I am loved.  I am valued.  I deserve to be happy.

Last semester I had an experience that confirmed my belief that some things, even little ones, happen for a reason, and sometimes we don't see the chain until later.  The inspiration to write a simple letter-poem to my future self, written at a time when I felt like I could conquer the world, did in fact help my future self at a time when the world seemed too much to bear.

You are all beautiful, wonderful human beings with the potential for greatness, no matter how big or small.

Keep fighting on everyone.  I believe in you!