I may not be America's Next Top Model
But I am Beautiful
I may not be the next Paris Hilton or Julia Roberts
But I am Beautiful
I may not wear designer jeans or the most expensive shoes
But I am Beautiful
I may not do my makeup everyday
But I am Beautiful
I am Beautiful
Because I am me
I have a body
A wonder of a machine
Each finger and toe
Each freckle on my face
Each laugh line each flaw
Only add to the beauty
I am Beautiful
Because I am me
God doesn't make
Anything ugly
So look at the rose
Admire the sky above
And think of the one
Who created it all
He created you too
And you're just as magnificent
You're just as wonderful
You're just as beautiful
So if you never become famous
If you never travel the world
It doesn't make you anything less
You are Beautiful
Because you are His
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Terrified...
I am terrified. These past two weeks I have done some thinking and some feeling and the end results have got me scared.
I think I am falling in love. I know, I should be happy, ecstatic even, right? WRONG. I am horrified. Why you ask? Because I don't want this to go away. I don't want the feelings I am feeling to disappear and be replaced with ones of doubt and heartache.
I recently posted about the lovely incident in which I experienced my first true blue broken heart. As I have thought about this new guy memories of that have come flooding in. That little voice in my head is talking again, taunting me even. I don't know whether its intentions are good still or not. I think its being selfish personally, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier to shut it up.
Anyways, so this guy, he's totally amazing. He makes me happy every time I see him and some times I can't help but think how adorable he is. Not hot or sexy, but adorable (Now for you guys that may read this, I will have you know that while we girls do like guys who are "hot" and "sexy" we love the ones that are adorable, at least I do anyways).
As I thought about him a few days ago a thought came to me that has never come before for any guy that I have ever had feelings for. Mom would really like him.
I love my mother so very much and having this thought come to me, particularly since she's been gone for two and a half years almost, is a bit nerve wracking. Even with the "heart breaker" boy I didn't think of that.
Any time I think about this guy, my chest swells with happiness and affection. I don't know what to do.
Here's the kicker--he recently got out of a relationship and is not looking for a girlfriend right now. *ugh* Patience is a virtue, unfortunately for me it is one that I am lacking in this area of life. I know that the wait will be worth it but with the waiting comes the little voice's opportunity to pipe up. Stupid thing...
He makes my stomach tie in knots, another new experience, he makes me feel happy, comfortable, and confident. I mean, this guy got me to play the piano in front of a group if people, albeit it was a small group, but still, I don't do that unless I absolutely have to. When he comes over in the morning to just sit and visit I feel like the rest of the day is perfect bliss. On one occasion I actually felt more bold in my classes, enough that I actually got into performing the dance in my Hip Hop class and I took charge in my theater class when everyone was having some trouble and in a bit of chaos.
Sigh...
I think I am falling in love. I know, I should be happy, ecstatic even, right? WRONG. I am horrified. Why you ask? Because I don't want this to go away. I don't want the feelings I am feeling to disappear and be replaced with ones of doubt and heartache.
I recently posted about the lovely incident in which I experienced my first true blue broken heart. As I have thought about this new guy memories of that have come flooding in. That little voice in my head is talking again, taunting me even. I don't know whether its intentions are good still or not. I think its being selfish personally, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier to shut it up.
Anyways, so this guy, he's totally amazing. He makes me happy every time I see him and some times I can't help but think how adorable he is. Not hot or sexy, but adorable (Now for you guys that may read this, I will have you know that while we girls do like guys who are "hot" and "sexy" we love the ones that are adorable, at least I do anyways).
As I thought about him a few days ago a thought came to me that has never come before for any guy that I have ever had feelings for. Mom would really like him.
I love my mother so very much and having this thought come to me, particularly since she's been gone for two and a half years almost, is a bit nerve wracking. Even with the "heart breaker" boy I didn't think of that.
Any time I think about this guy, my chest swells with happiness and affection. I don't know what to do.
Here's the kicker--he recently got out of a relationship and is not looking for a girlfriend right now. *ugh* Patience is a virtue, unfortunately for me it is one that I am lacking in this area of life. I know that the wait will be worth it but with the waiting comes the little voice's opportunity to pipe up. Stupid thing...
He makes my stomach tie in knots, another new experience, he makes me feel happy, comfortable, and confident. I mean, this guy got me to play the piano in front of a group if people, albeit it was a small group, but still, I don't do that unless I absolutely have to. When he comes over in the morning to just sit and visit I feel like the rest of the day is perfect bliss. On one occasion I actually felt more bold in my classes, enough that I actually got into performing the dance in my Hip Hop class and I took charge in my theater class when everyone was having some trouble and in a bit of chaos.
Sigh...
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Little Voice in My Head
This week has been a rather interesting one. It started out as one of those "Life kinda sucks" weeks but due to recent events it has improved immensely.
It is at times like this, the times when I am feeling excited and super happy about something--specifically, guys and my relationships with them--when it gets activated. You know, that little voice in the back of your head that tells you, "Don't get your hopes up."
The voice has been activated many times in my life. I cannot call the voice terrible or bad, I mean it does have experience and it's intentions are good, but to be honest it is rather biased. It has never really seen much of the whole "Being hopeful is a good thing" paying off in this department. It has been there through many sleepless nights when I was feeling rotten because yet again a boy I liked informed me that I was great and amazing but he didn't like me the way I liked him. Some boys didn't even say it to me, they just kind of showed me (which were the most painful ones I admit). On those nights the voice would tell me, "I told you so, please don't hurt us again."
Well this week something amazing happened, which is to be divulged in the following blog, and that Little Voice piped up once more. I try to argue with it, like I always do, but part of me is convinced that it is right, that I shouldn't get my hopes up because this has happened in the past and nothing came from it.
But not everything that has happened this week has happened before. I like him, and he asked me.
Doesn't matter, he's probably just being nice.
But he chose me out of a group of other girls he could've asked.
Exactly; there are other fish in the sea and he knows it.
Well, what about the fact that he did it in person? No guy has EVER asked me on a date of his own accord in person.
So?
So? That has to mean something, right?
Not really.
Alright then, how 'bout this? Today he asked me to do something with him that had absolutely nothing to do with the date tomorrow. What do you think about that?
Maybe, but "maybe" isn't "definitely".
Sigh.
Even though this voice has been arguing with me this week, trying to prevent me from doing anything "stupid", it isn't as big as it usually is. I mean, it's never been some giant monster that pounces on you and practically rips your heart out for hoping something good will happen, but it has always been rather prominent and not so easy to forget. Like a person sitting next to you talking. Right now though, it feels more like a little bug in the corner simply saying, "No!"
I'm not sure what to think of all of this. Quite honestly I would like to look that Little Voice in the eye and say "Shut Up! Just let me be happy will you?!"
I am nervous and excited and, despite what the Voice says, I'm going to hope for the best. If it doesn't happen, then I will just file it away as more proof that it could happen, because honestly, anything could happen.
It is at times like this, the times when I am feeling excited and super happy about something--specifically, guys and my relationships with them--when it gets activated. You know, that little voice in the back of your head that tells you, "Don't get your hopes up."
The voice has been activated many times in my life. I cannot call the voice terrible or bad, I mean it does have experience and it's intentions are good, but to be honest it is rather biased. It has never really seen much of the whole "Being hopeful is a good thing" paying off in this department. It has been there through many sleepless nights when I was feeling rotten because yet again a boy I liked informed me that I was great and amazing but he didn't like me the way I liked him. Some boys didn't even say it to me, they just kind of showed me (which were the most painful ones I admit). On those nights the voice would tell me, "I told you so, please don't hurt us again."
Well this week something amazing happened, which is to be divulged in the following blog, and that Little Voice piped up once more. I try to argue with it, like I always do, but part of me is convinced that it is right, that I shouldn't get my hopes up because this has happened in the past and nothing came from it.
But not everything that has happened this week has happened before. I like him, and he asked me.
Doesn't matter, he's probably just being nice.
But he chose me out of a group of other girls he could've asked.
Exactly; there are other fish in the sea and he knows it.
Well, what about the fact that he did it in person? No guy has EVER asked me on a date of his own accord in person.
So?
So? That has to mean something, right?
Not really.
Alright then, how 'bout this? Today he asked me to do something with him that had absolutely nothing to do with the date tomorrow. What do you think about that?
Maybe, but "maybe" isn't "definitely".
Sigh.
Even though this voice has been arguing with me this week, trying to prevent me from doing anything "stupid", it isn't as big as it usually is. I mean, it's never been some giant monster that pounces on you and practically rips your heart out for hoping something good will happen, but it has always been rather prominent and not so easy to forget. Like a person sitting next to you talking. Right now though, it feels more like a little bug in the corner simply saying, "No!"
I'm not sure what to think of all of this. Quite honestly I would like to look that Little Voice in the eye and say "Shut Up! Just let me be happy will you?!"
I am nervous and excited and, despite what the Voice says, I'm going to hope for the best. If it doesn't happen, then I will just file it away as more proof that it could happen, because honestly, anything could happen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)