Terrified...

I am terrified. These past two weeks I have done some thinking and some feeling and the end results have got me scared.

I think I am falling in love. I know, I should be happy, ecstatic even, right? WRONG. I am horrified. Why you ask? Because I don't want this to go away. I don't want the feelings I am feeling to disappear and be replaced with ones of doubt and heartache.

I recently posted about the lovely incident in which I experienced my first true blue broken heart. As I have thought about this new guy memories of that have come flooding in. That little voice in my head is talking again, taunting me even. I don't know whether its intentions are good still or not. I think its being selfish personally, but that doesn't seem to make it any easier to shut it up.

Anyways, so this guy, he's totally amazing. He makes me happy every time I see him and some times I can't help but think how adorable he is. Not hot or sexy, but adorable (Now for you guys that may read this, I will have you know that while we girls do like guys who are "hot" and "sexy" we love the ones that are adorable, at least I do anyways).

As I thought about him a few days ago a thought came to me that has never come before for any guy that I have ever had feelings for. Mom would really like him.

I love my mother so very much and having this thought come to me, particularly since she's been gone for two and a half years almost, is a bit nerve wracking. Even with the "heart breaker" boy I didn't think of that.

Any time I think about this guy, my chest swells with happiness and affection. I don't know what to do.

Here's the kicker--he recently got out of a relationship and is not looking for a girlfriend right now. *ugh* Patience is a virtue, unfortunately for me it is one that I am lacking in this area of life. I know that the wait will be worth it but with the waiting comes the little voice's opportunity to pipe up. Stupid thing...

He makes my stomach tie in knots, another new experience, he makes me feel happy, comfortable, and confident. I mean, this guy got me to play the piano in front of a group if people, albeit it was a small group, but still, I don't do that unless I absolutely have to. When he comes over in the morning to just sit and visit I feel like the rest of the day is perfect bliss. On one occasion I actually felt more bold in my classes, enough that I actually got into performing the dance in my Hip Hop class and I took charge in my theater class when everyone was having some trouble and in a bit of chaos.

Sigh...