It's Nice to Feel Gratitude Again

I have been struggling with feelings of discouragement and inadequacy the past few weeks. Since moving back to Salt Lake and living with my dad things have been seeming rather bleak. I have not been able to find a job as of yet, despite having applied to several, which has hindered my desire to move out and find my own place. Do not get me wrong, I love being able to spend time with my family so easily and it's nice having free time, but after living on my own for 4 years, having to move back in with your parents kind of sucks, regardless of how much you love them.

It isn't just that though. I have been feeling discouraged about, well, everything it seems. I find myself longing to do things, getting excited to go out and do things, only to have that excitement shot down by disappointing thoughts of how I'll probably never get to do it, or how it's going to be forever before it happens.

Not having a job also causes worry in that I do not have a steady income with which to pay the bills. I had a solution to this problem, however it required travel by car and, wouldn't you know it, my car decided to have trouble. So much for that...

Another downfall of living at home is I do not get to see my friends very much. I don't know anyone in this neighborhood well enough to hang out with them (it's not the neighborhood I grew up in) and the friends that I do have up here require, you guessed it, travel be car. *sigh* This puts me in a rather depressing predicament because you see I am an extrovert, which means that I get my energy from socializing with other people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy doing things by myself, or that I can't be alone because I believe that everyone, even extroverts, need time to themselves to either read a good book, watch a show, write, or whatever it is they enjoy doing. But I can only ration my energy supply so much without completely burning out. Sure, I can text friends and talk on the phone with them, but you don't get the same energy out of a text that you do with face to face interaction.

Luckily for me, I have wonderful friends who know me all too well and are willing to drive a hundred and twenty miles just to come and see me.

Today, my friends Kayla, Kendra, and Kendra's husband Kyle drove up from Sanpete County to see me. You see, originally, the plan was to have me come down and see them but with my car not working, well, you can imagine that didn't last very long. I was devastated when the realization that my much needed social time with them was in jeopardy of not happening. And then Kayla told me they would be coming up here to see me and everything seemed to be right with the world again.

So today I spent the morning cleaning the room I presently share with my sister (by the way, it looks AMAZING! Well, except for the closet...that's Monday's project). It was almost three o'clock when they showed up and they didn't leave until eight. Five hours of hanging out and socializing with my friends. Needless to say, it was much needed and very welcome.

Also, it's been raining lately. I love the rain so much. The smell, the sound, the feel as it touches your skin. I love the lightning as it flashes across the sky, striking close enough that you feel the thunder, not just hear it. It's truly one of the most magnificent things in nature ever. I love it.

There's more to the rain than just how much I myself love it though. I mentioned previously how much my mom loved the rain (see "Thanks Mom" posted January 5, 2013). As I started writing this post, thinking about all of the discouragement and the things that have been making me unhappy, my thoughts just stopped and were replaced by "It's raining" and I knew my mom was telling me that everything will be okay and not to let things get me down.

While my friends were here we went to a park near my house and as we sat talking the rain came, first in little sprinkles, then a soft drizzle, and finally it started pouring. We went back to the car but not without getting completely soaked first.

I like to think it was my mom's way of giving me a great big hug, even if I didn't realize it at the time.

I feel so grateful for the wonderful blessing today was and I am grateful God has given me friends to help me when I need it. And I am grateful for a mother who loves me enough to send the rain. :)