What Sorrow...

...that I should find such disappointment at something I was so looking forward to.

I just finished a book that I borrowed from the library yesterday. It's a book that I have been wanting to read for a while now, based on the fact that I enjoyed the movie adaptation so much.

As it is customary for books to differ from their movie counterparts, I expected to have a different experience with the book than I did with the movie, though I was certain it would be just as satisfying as the movie had been.

I was wrong.

For the sake of being objective, and to avoid hindering anyone else's opinion or desire to read this book, I will not share it's title. It had a good story line, very interesting and well written. However, upon reading the last few words and closing it, I found I was not satisfied at all.

I did not like the book.

It was not how the book ended, or the fact that it was a completely different ending from the movie, it was simply that I did not feel anything for this book. To be completely honest, I really did not care so much for the characters. I did not finish the book out of love or concern for the character's well being, but simply out of curiosity for the plot. And that was rather disappointing.

Now you must understand, some of the major plots in the story were rather interesting and I couldn't help but wonder how it was going to play out. But, when it comes to books, in order for me to enjoy the full extent of the story, I have to connect with the characters, or else it's like reading a text book about some historical event you never learned about. Curious to know what happened and how it all ended, but you don't feel the same emotion as something you read for enjoyment (unless you like reading textbooks which is totally fine). 

At first it wasn't very clear to me why the book did not bring me as much satisfaction as I had hoped for however as I have been writing this post and thinking about the story itself I have been able to work some of it out.

Firstly, the characters. I don't want to say that the author didn't think about the characters or give them any real depth because that wouldn't be entirely true. It's just that they felt so generic, so a-typical, that I could tell you the basics about them and you could probably apply it to at least a hundred different teen novels or movies. I mean, I get that nowadays it's hard to come up with something original, and I wholeheartedly believe the saying that all writer's are thieves (meaning we steal ideas from other places), but for goodness sakes at least give them some kind of twist to make them your own.

Secondly: Throughout most of this book I found myself wondering if the main character and her love interest would actually go all the way and have sex because that seemed to be a major focal point in the story. I mean, it was like the story had two major plots. The plot that they talk about on the back of the book, and then whether or not these two were going to have sex. That bugged me. I mean, the main characters talk about love and yet it seems to me like they cared more about lust. The book wasn't riddled with sex or anything, but the amount of time the character spent thinking about sex and how  badly she wanted it from her boyfriend made it hard to think she really loved him at all.

Reason 2.5 (because it kind of ties into the second reason) I understand the whole raging hormones thing with teenagers, but sex isn't the only thing they think about. No wonder so many parents are freaking out about their kids going off and having sex every time they walk out the front door. Society is painting teenagers in that light and it's not the teenagers that are writing this stuff. It the adults. Do teenagers have sex? Yes, I won't argue with that. But, is that all they think about, all they care about? NO! Stop making it seem like all they care about is sex for heaven's sake!

*sigh* Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box now. Lol.

Anyway, the point of writing this post wasn't so much to rant and rave about the book (thought it has helped to get my thoughts out). The point is, I was so excited to read this book and it came up as such a big disappointment which makes me sad.

I absolutely love reading. I love movies and TV shows too, but books, well, nothing can compare. There's nothing that can compare to the joy of curling up on the couch or lying in bed with an open book and sinking deep into its world, becoming the invisible bystander to the events transpiring and feeling the adrenaline as the plot thickens and secrets are revealed. And even though it can be sad coming to the end of a book and realizing you must bid farewell to the new friends you have made and the short life you were able to live and experience through those black words on the page, finishing a book can be exhilarating. The best is when you close the book and as you take in your surroundings it feels like you've come home from one of the greatest adventures of your life.

I love it.

So, when a book fails to produce that kind of exhilaration, that adrenaline, that joyful homecoming feel, it is disappointing and sad. That's the real reason I started this post. That was how I felt. Disappointed and unhappy.

But you want to know the best part about reading? No matter how disappointed you were at the end of the book or how sad you are to say goodbye, there are always thousands, hundreds of thousands more adventures to take.

You just have to find the right one. 
 

It's Nice to Feel Gratitude Again

I have been struggling with feelings of discouragement and inadequacy the past few weeks. Since moving back to Salt Lake and living with my dad things have been seeming rather bleak. I have not been able to find a job as of yet, despite having applied to several, which has hindered my desire to move out and find my own place. Do not get me wrong, I love being able to spend time with my family so easily and it's nice having free time, but after living on my own for 4 years, having to move back in with your parents kind of sucks, regardless of how much you love them.

It isn't just that though. I have been feeling discouraged about, well, everything it seems. I find myself longing to do things, getting excited to go out and do things, only to have that excitement shot down by disappointing thoughts of how I'll probably never get to do it, or how it's going to be forever before it happens.

Not having a job also causes worry in that I do not have a steady income with which to pay the bills. I had a solution to this problem, however it required travel by car and, wouldn't you know it, my car decided to have trouble. So much for that...

Another downfall of living at home is I do not get to see my friends very much. I don't know anyone in this neighborhood well enough to hang out with them (it's not the neighborhood I grew up in) and the friends that I do have up here require, you guessed it, travel be car. *sigh* This puts me in a rather depressing predicament because you see I am an extrovert, which means that I get my energy from socializing with other people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy doing things by myself, or that I can't be alone because I believe that everyone, even extroverts, need time to themselves to either read a good book, watch a show, write, or whatever it is they enjoy doing. But I can only ration my energy supply so much without completely burning out. Sure, I can text friends and talk on the phone with them, but you don't get the same energy out of a text that you do with face to face interaction.

Luckily for me, I have wonderful friends who know me all too well and are willing to drive a hundred and twenty miles just to come and see me.

Today, my friends Kayla, Kendra, and Kendra's husband Kyle drove up from Sanpete County to see me. You see, originally, the plan was to have me come down and see them but with my car not working, well, you can imagine that didn't last very long. I was devastated when the realization that my much needed social time with them was in jeopardy of not happening. And then Kayla told me they would be coming up here to see me and everything seemed to be right with the world again.

So today I spent the morning cleaning the room I presently share with my sister (by the way, it looks AMAZING! Well, except for the closet...that's Monday's project). It was almost three o'clock when they showed up and they didn't leave until eight. Five hours of hanging out and socializing with my friends. Needless to say, it was much needed and very welcome.

Also, it's been raining lately. I love the rain so much. The smell, the sound, the feel as it touches your skin. I love the lightning as it flashes across the sky, striking close enough that you feel the thunder, not just hear it. It's truly one of the most magnificent things in nature ever. I love it.

There's more to the rain than just how much I myself love it though. I mentioned previously how much my mom loved the rain (see "Thanks Mom" posted January 5, 2013). As I started writing this post, thinking about all of the discouragement and the things that have been making me unhappy, my thoughts just stopped and were replaced by "It's raining" and I knew my mom was telling me that everything will be okay and not to let things get me down.

While my friends were here we went to a park near my house and as we sat talking the rain came, first in little sprinkles, then a soft drizzle, and finally it started pouring. We went back to the car but not without getting completely soaked first.

I like to think it was my mom's way of giving me a great big hug, even if I didn't realize it at the time.

I feel so grateful for the wonderful blessing today was and I am grateful God has given me friends to help me when I need it. And I am grateful for a mother who loves me enough to send the rain. :)

Courage to Let Go

I am an avid Pinterest user. I think it's brilliant and I have not only found great fitness tips, food ideas, and other various things of interest, but I have also been able to find a number of really great quotes.

While perusing my Pinterest today, I discovered the following quote:

 

I found this quote to be rather interesting. Courage to let go of what you can't change. I never really thought about how courage can tie into letting something go, but as I pondered the meaning it made sense.

I think that all of us are or have been in a situation where letting go of something--or someone--was the last thing in the world we wanted to do, regardless of whether we knew it would make us happier to do so. 

Someone close to me is in a relationship with a guy who, while he isn't the worst guy in the world, he is no longer the right person for her. Maybe he was right for her five years ago, because it seemed like they both wanted the same things and therefore they were a good fit. However, over time it has become apparent that she wants to change and become a better person while he does not. Again, he is not a bad guy. He has stuck with her through some very tough times while lesser men would have walked away. It's just that they no longer want the same things. 

Multiple people have advised her that it would be best for her to move on, to let him go. However the concept of doing so just devastates her. She knows it is the right thing, but she refuses to do it and I find myself wondering, why? She knows it would be better, that she would ultimately be happier, so why? Why keep a hold of it? Why not just let it go?

Fear. 

Fear is a powerful weapon when it comes to discouraging us from doing what we know is right. Perhaps she is afraid that if she lets him go she'll never find another guy. Maybe she thinks that her worth is based solely on the fact that she be in this relationship (which I wholeheartedly disagree with, by the way). Or maybe it is simply the fear of how much it will hurt, how badly she will feel once it is over. 

Whatever the reason, whatever it is she is afraid of, the fact still remains that her fear is keeping her from truly moving on to where she wants to be, where she needs to be.

My first semester of college I went to a hypnotist show. At the end of the performance, the hypnotist said something that has stuck with me for five years.

"Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real."

False Evidence Appearing Real. That's all fear is, just a wolf in sheep's clothing. And once we realize and accept that, we can conquer our fear.

I have also heard that fear is the opposite of faith. I believe this to be true. Whether it's faith in a higher power or powers, or simply faith in yourself, having faith will blot out your fears every time.

So I am issuing this challenge to all of you. Take courage, and let go. Realize that your fears are not real, have faith, and press forward with your life. Choose to be happy and to let yourself be happy. It won't be easy, and it will take time (you can't retrain a lifetime of thinking overnight ya know). If things are hard just remember that everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

Keep smiling everyone, and no matter what anyone says know that I have every faith in you to be your very best happiest self.

Per chance to dream...

I had an epic dream last night that would make for an awesome story. I know, I know, I have a hundred stories to work on already, I don't need another. But anyone who is a writer knows, that when you have an epic idea for a story, you can't just forget about it, no matter how many other stories you have or how far you are with other stories. You have to at least write it down, or it will be lost forever.

Back to the dream. I was about high school age and I was part of this little team of heroes I guess you could say. There was Adam, the leader of the group, just older than me and my love interest. Next was Dilas, 13 years old (male) and a girl whose name I don't know but she was about 15 or 16. Then there was the youngest in our group at 8 or 9 (I know, weird that the youngest person in the group hadn't even hit the double digits yet, but that's how it was).

I don't know what any of the other people's abilities/powers were, but mine were pretty sweet. I had visions of the future and I could put people to sleep by giving them a kiss (not every person I kissed would fall asleep, just when I wanted them to). I also had the ability to sense and perceive things about other people. It was pretty cool. :)

In my dream we had another person that was supposed to join the group (I had seen him in a vision). The kid was in high school and a member of the pep band. The band just got back from an away game so we went to meet him at the bus. I didn't know the kids name, but I knew his face, so I had to look for him in the crowd. When I spotted him our little group went over to meet him. It was my friend Austin (funny that the guy in the dream was in the high school pep band and my friend Austin actually was in the pep band).

We were able to convince him to join up with us and had him make an oath that was required of all members. Now not everybody could see the evil that our little group fought every day. Because of this, there was a special pair of glasses that new members had to wear as they swore the oath. Apparently the glasses had some kind of special power that enabled the person to see the evil once they made the oath. I don't know all of the details, but that's how it worked. So Austin put on the glasses and made the oath.

One other person I forgot to mention. Adam's dad. He didn't know what was going on with us kids at first but eventually found out.

Continuing on, as I mentioned before one of my abilities allowed me to sense and perceive things that others could not. Well, I perceived something about one of our members that nobody else knew. The youngest one, the eight year old, had something dark inside of her. I didn't know what it was or what was going on, I just saw a flash of the darkness, kind of like a reflection or shadow of the little girl but it was evil (WAY trippy, I must say).

Austin could tell that something was off about her, but he didn't know what (he didn't have the same ability as me to actually see what it was). The three of us--Austin, the little girl, and I--were sitting in one of the rooms at Adam's house talking and while she was playing Austin commented on the fact that something wasn't right. I decided to talk to him about what I had seen however I had the problem of the little girl being present (I didn't know if she knew about the darkness in her or what was going on exactly). I decided to use my magic to make her sleep so that I could talk to Austin without troubling her (why I didn't just send her out, I have no idea). So I cradled her in my arms and kissed her forehead. Her eyelids grew heavy and eventually closed.

Just as I was about to start talking to Austin, the little girl's eyes opened and she looked at me, confused. She asked what was going on. I told her not to worry and to go back to sleep. I kissed her again, thinking that maybe I didn't really use my magic the first time, but nothing happened. The little girl glared at me as she figured out what I was trying to do. She ran out of the room and told Adam, freaking out because I was trying to make her sleep.

Adam came into the room and asked what I was doing. I hadn't told anyone about what I had seen with the little girl. Our group had been together for a long time and I didn't know what they would say. Plus, how do you convince someone that a little girl has something evil in her when they can't see what you can see? So when Adam asked why I was trying to make her sleep I came up with a lie.

Before he could question what I said I changed the subject and told him about how my magic wasn't working on her. See, normally people would stay asleep for hours after I gave them one of my kisses, but that hadn't been the case with her. Adam thought it was weird and suggested I test out my magic on something not human. Adam had a hamster named Steve (awesome right? I totally want a hamster named Steve now. Lol) and he decided to have me test out my power on it. So I did.

At first Steve went limp like he was in a deep sleep, but after a few seconds he started to convulse like he was having a seizure, which had never happened before. I started to freak out because I didn't know what was going on. Adam tried to console me but it didn't help. I said something about how I was cursed and ran out of the house crying.

I went to this playground where our group liked to hang out and discuss things, wanting to get away from everyone as quickly as possible and to be left a lone for a while. I climbed up into this tree house, hugged my knees, and continued to cry. Out of nowhere dozens of little kids showed up and started coming towards me, asking what was wrong. However, it wasn't in that cute way that little kids sometimes do. It was downright creepy. They all tried to grab me and it was like they were zombies or something, moaning and saying things I couldn't understand.

I freaked out, started telling them to go away and leave me alone. Suddenly, the zombie children were gone and Adam was right there, kneeling beside me and trying to get my attention. There was also a group of girls, about fifth and sixth grade age, asking me to help them with some bullies that were giving them trouble (apparently I had helped them in the past).

I realized that I had been hallucinating, that the talking had been those girls and the grabbing was Adam trying to get me to snap out of it. I looked at Adam and saw a mixture of confusion, fear, and worry in his eyes. I started to cry and he pulled me into a hug, telling the girls that I couldn't help them today.

That was when I woke up. Weird, but TOTALLY awesome dream, right???

Some other things about the dream that weren't really part of the story line, just little tidbit facts. Adam had light brown hair with sea green eyes (super attractive... :P ). Also, Adam and I weren't actually dating. I liked him and apparently I had some kind of vision with the two of us where he kissed me, but I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if it would change the vision. Lastly, in my vision that I had where I knew Austin would be part of our team, I also learned that he would go all dark side and we would have to fight against him. But, my dream self seemed to forget that part of the vision or something, because she had no idea when she found him after he got off the bus.

And once again, my overactive imagination strikes my dreams again. Seriously though, I don't mind when it does. I actually like it a lot. :D

What kind of awesome dreams have you had? Dreams that were super sad, happy, or even very freaky? Please feel free to comment below!

Have an awesome day everyone!

Getting to Know My Readers

I was thinking about this blog a little while ago and how I have so many people that read it and yet there are little to no comments ever posted. I understand some people may not have anything to say so that's probably what it is, but as I continued to think about it I found myself wanting to get to know my readers a little more, especially my international ones.

So, I am using this post to tell all of you that I welcome your comments very much. Be advised, any spamming in the comments or negative remarks will be removed. I want this to be a happy blog. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Thanks for reading! :)

We're All Beautiful

Our society today places a great deal of emphasis on beauty, particularly physical beauty. We are constantly bombarded with television commercials, billboards, magazine ads, etc that tell us "Try our product and you'll have perfect skin" or "Use our toothpaste and you'll have beautiful white teeth." I mean, how many commercials related to physical appearance and beauty do you see just in the hour you are watching your favorite television show? I haven't sat down and counted -- yet -- but I'm sure it's more than we may think.

Every day people around the world, men and women alike, are told they need to be a little skinnier, a little taller, a little shorter, have whiter teeth, longer or shorter hair, bigger or smaller boobs/muscles/butts. The question I have is, why?  Why do I need to have bigger boobs to feel good about myself? Why do I have to wear contacts instead of glasses to look prettier? Why do I need to be taller, skinner, more revealing in my clothing, to be beautiful?

The correct answer is, I don't.

What? But Stephanie, how will you ever get a date if you aren't skinny? You want to get married, right? How will you ever find a boyfriend, much less a husband, if you don't have perfect hair, teeth, skin, and just an overall perfect body? How can you ever love yourself?

If you're wondering, yes, these questions have run through my mind hundreds, thousands of times in my life. Those days when I see my friends posting cute pictures of themselves with their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives/fiances on Facebook, when I read that yet another of my friends or family members will be bringing a new life into this world, and those days when a guy that I like chooses someone else, these thoughts run through my head:

I'm ugly. I'm too fat, too short, my clothes aren't right, my teeth aren't white enough, my smile is funny looking, my thighs too big, face too round, eyebrows too thick, eyes not big enough, lips too small or chapped. I'm just not pretty enough.

But do I stop there? Oh no, once I get on board the pity train I could go for miles.

I'm weird, I laugh to loud, my laugh is awful and annoying, I'm not smart enough, I am not a good enough writer, I'm and awful friend, sister, aunt, daughter, co-worker. I don't update my blog like I should, I don't say enough nice things to people, if I had been a better friend then (blank) wouldn't have done (blank) and ended up in the sad situation that they are in. I am not enough. I am alone because I am not enough. 

I am worthless.

Ever happened to you? Still happen to you? I'm pretty sure everyone in this world has had or will have a moment, if not several, where circumstances in their lives lead them to these thoughts.Well guess what? I'm here to tell you, to tell everyone, that they're all lies. You are not worthless. You are not ugly.

You are BEAUTIFUL.

Kyla and Kayla

These are two of my best friends. No, they are not related, they have never met each other. And no, I didn't purposely pick best friends with similar names. It just happened. :)

Kyla and I met when we were about 11. We were in the same Ward and we lived just down the street from each other. Kyla is my best friend. She stood by me through so many trials it isn't even funny. She was there the night my mom died and did what she could to get the word out to my other friends so that they could support me as well. She was there for me even when we'd had a huge fight. She believes in me and I believe in her. Time and distance will never change that. She cares deeply for those around her and she will fight for them. Always.

Kayla and I met three years ago at college. She was the poor unsuspecting Freshman and I was the older, used-to-college-life student happy to make a new friend. She was so quiet, I honestly thought she didn't like me. Seriously, I was chattering away while we were walking to church that first Sunday and she just quietly nodded and gave a few responses. I really didn't know what to think. Well, I am proud to say I "broke" her within a week and we quickly became best friends. She is kindhearted (even if she doesn't think so), smart, and she loves the people closest to her. She's not one to be judgmental.

These are two of the most beautiful women I have ever met.

Sarah

This is my cousin, Sarah. She is a year older than me but we had some great times together as kids, and some even better times at college as adults. She is kind, caring, and shows genuine concern for all living things (plant, animal, and human). She has an incredible ability to see the good in people and to look at things in a positive light, despite hardships that she has faced.

She is among the beautiful women I know in my life.

Left to Right: Ty Lynn, Maddy, Amanda, Vanessa, Jennifer, Nessa, Me

My sisters. What amazing women they are!

Jennifer is the oldest of us girls in the Featherstone clan. She is married with three beautiful children and a husband in the Army. She is one of the strongest women I know. I've watched as she has raised her children in a world less appealing than the one we grew up in. I've seen her strength as she supports her husband while he is away from home serving our country. I've seen her exercise faith in God as she faced the trials that life threw at her.

Nessa. She has been through more in her life than I think I could ever have the strength for. She has a determination that could put political leaders to shame. She fights for those she cares about, and she loves helping people. She has had her fair share of struggles, and I know she doubts her ability at times. But I also know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she is an incredible woman, and that she's going to move mountains someday.

Amanda is my baby sister (despite being taller than me...cursed genes...). She loves to laugh and while she can be silly, she can also be very serious and give some of the best advice I've ever had. She has an incredible amount of faith and I am always amazed at how easily it comes to her. She has had her moments, as all of us do, but she is strong and I admire her for that.

This is my sister Bethany.

Bethany

She and I went to school together pretty much our whole lives until we got to college! She was serving an LDS mission when our mom passed away. She had the strength and courage to stay in the field and see her mission through to the end. She is dedicated, hard working, caring, and very smart. She and her husband are expecting a baby this fall and I know she will make an amazing mom!

Ty Lynn, Vanessa, and Kara (unfortunately not featured in the picture above and not in any pictures I presently have...) are my sisters in law, but that doesn't change how amazing they are! Ty and Vanessa are amazing mothers with big hearts, and Kara has stuck with my brother James through a lot. I am grateful to have them all in my life!

Maddy

This is my older sister Maddy. She was born with downs syndrome. She is one of my absolute favorite people in the whole stinkin' world! She laughs easily, loves to tease, loves to give and get hugs, can always bring a smile to my face, and loves unconditionally. She is an angel, of that I have no doubt. She will not judge you because of what you do, how you look, or what you believe. She is a living example of te pure love of Christ in my life, and I am so grateful I have been blessed to call her my sister.

Mom

This is my mom. She had a kind, caring heart. She loved seeing the good in people, and she always believed in those she cares for, particularly her husband and kids. She had diabetes, which led to other health issues, but that didn't stop her from doing good in the world. She served the young boys in our neighborhood as a Cub Scout Leader and served the children in our ward as a Primary President. She loved unconditionally and was not afraid to show you that love. Her simple faith brought me strength so many times. She taught me so much about life and how to treat others, not by instruction alone, but by example. She had a knack for crafts and was always working on something for someone. She lived her life right to the last moment.

I want to add another beautiful woman to this list. My step mom, Betty. She and my dad have been married for almost two years, and I can honestly tell you she is wonderful. She is humble, loving, and caring. She is so willing to give love to her step children, even if she doesn't have to. She has taken care of my dad and my sisters when she didn't have to. And for that, I am grateful.

These women are beautiful.

These beautiful, incredible, amazing women I have shared with you today may not be the next Angelina Jolie or Beyonce, but they are beautiful. They are beautiful because of hearts, their spirits. The good that they put into the world and the love they share with those around them.

Finally...

Me

 

This is me. I love writing and I love sharing it with others. I love to help people, love to make people smile. I am fun loving, easy going, and I care about all those around me. I will always care about the people that have meant something to me, even if I don't mean as much to them anymore. I love my family and would give almost anything to ensure their eternal well being and happiness. I love my friends, and I am grateful for the influence they have had on my life. I am kind, smart, caring, loving, talented, and above all else, I'm the daughter of a Heavenly Father, who believes in me, knows me, and in spite of my many faults and the mistakes that I have made, loves me more than anything!

While my main focus was on women, guys, you are important too. You're just as special, just as precious, just as incredible. We are all important, special, precious, and of great worth. Nothing we do or say will ever diminish that worth.

We're all beautiful!!!

Over 500 Pageviews! WOW!

I know it's late so I'll make this short, but I just looked at my stats for this blog and I have had over 500 pageviews since I started it! That is so freaking awesome!

The majority of those views come from the USA with 400 with Russia coming in at number two with almost 40. Turkey and Germany are next with double digit pageviews themselves, followed by my readers in Israel, South Korea, Belarus, Netherlands, Belgium, and Canada.

I find it fascinating that despite being as ordinary as I am, there are so many people interested in what I have to say. Whether what I write is actually interesting or not, I don't know, but it's still awesome.

Anyways, goodnight and sweet dreams.

To my international readers in other timezones, have a fantastic day! :D