So I have been hecka busy the past few weeks. I am presently working three different jobs. Yay! Actually it's kind of sad because there are stretches of time when I actually go days without seeing my family. Seriously, I was up and gone before they were awake (or I just left before getting the chance to actually see their bright faces) and I was home after they were in bed.
Anyways, my new job that I am working right now is at a theater. A live theater, not a movie theater, which I would imagine is more fun but seeing as how I have never actually worked in a movie theater I guess that would be an unfair assessment. :P I am working as a dresser, which means I get to help actors get into their costumes before and during the show.
The show I am working on is Elf: the Musical (awesome show, just an FYI) and I mostly help the kids in the show get into their elf costumes. (Fun Fact: our theater is the first to use children as the elves. Broadway apparently used adults on their knees. Can't imagine how that must have been for the actors, or the costumers that had to repair holes in the knees...). The kids are all AMAZING! They are fun, upbeat, and totally professional. I love working with them. It's always a blast at the theater. :D
This is my last week of working three jobs though. Tomorrow my afternoon job will be over until January 6th and Friday my morning job will be done until January 2nd. The only job I'll have is my theater job, which runs until December 28th. I am so excited about sleeping in next week! Aww, Yeaaaaah!!!!
Other than that there isn't really too much for me to tell. Ooh! I did get the chance to see Disney's Frozen. I must say, it was an incredible movie! I absolutely loved it! The music has been stuck in my head for the past few days. particularly "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?" and "Let it Go". Love, love, love, love, LOVE it!!
Also, I recently finished reading Drops of Gold by Sarah M. Eden. She is one of my favorite authors and the book did not in any way disappoint. I bought the e-book from Deseret Book so I was reading it on my phone during my down time at the theater. If I had more free time I probably would have finished it in a day or two, it was that good. But, considering how much time I did have, I didn't do too bad. Got it done in about three days. :)
Story time about the book! So last night I decided to throw my blacks into the washer because they desperately needed to be washed (Blacks: required dress for anyone working backstage at a theatrical production, consisting of a black shirt, black pants, black shoes, and black socks) so I had to stay up long enough to switch the laundry over to the dryer. To pass the time I read my book. Just before 1 am I reached chapter 25 of 27 and there were sooooo many things that still had to be resolved! Okay, so maybe there weren't a lot of things that needed to be resolved, but there were two HUGE things that needed to be resolved. I checked on my laundry. About a minute thirty to go.
I can't go back to my book, I told myself. If I go back I won't stop, then I'll be up later than I already am which will make it super difficult to get up at 5:30 for my 6:45 job.
Those last 90 seconds were agonizing... I spent the entire time stressing over the book. I mean, I knew it was going to end happy, or at least that's how her other books had ended, but with three chapters left and the major things still unresolved...I was dying to know how it was going to get worked out.
The clothes finished washing and I put them into the dryer. Then I went back to my room and finished the book.
What can I say? I'll take a good book over sleep any day. Lol.
Anyways, I hope you are all well and enjoying yourselves. Happy Holidays!!!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
1101 Pageviews! Woot Woot!
So I logged on so that I could post a new entry on here and what a pleasant surprise I found! 1101 page views for this blog! Aww Yeah!
Here are the stats for my present readers:
United States and Russia are presently the only country with triple digit page views. Way to be!
Following in the double digits we have six countries: Malaysia, Germany, Turkey, Austria, Romania, and South Korea.
Bringing up the rear are Israel and Sweden, which are both just one page view away from double digits! Yeah, Yeah!
Seven months ago I hit 500 page views. For the stats from that little milestone of mine, please follow this link.
To my South Korean readers: If you see a cute little blonde woman named Sister Brooksby who is serving as a missionary for the LDS Church, tell her "Stephanie F. says 'Hello'." Thanks!
As always, thank you so, so, so much for sticking this out with me. I really appreciate your taking the time to look at my blog.
Also, feel free to comment below.
Thanks again!
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Snow...
Sunday morning I woke up and found it was raining outside.
Good, I thought to myself. As long as it isn't snowing.
About an hour later I checked outside again and watched as the first white flakes of the season came fluttering down.
For weeks now I have been moaning and groaning about the inevitable day when the first snow would come. It would be cold and wet, I wouldn't be able to wear flip flops any more, etc. I spoke of how I would be happy and content if it only snowed on Thanksgiving, during the weeks of Christmas and New Year's, and on Valentine's Day. Snow at any other time is just a nuisance.
But I have a confession. Watching those first few flakes fall from the sky did not fill me with the dread and unhappiness I have been building up to.
There is something magical about the first snow fall of the year. The cold, bringing back memories of bundling up in layers of clothing to keep in what warmth we carry inside of ourselves. It reminds us of the warmth of home.
The pure white, falling from a dark sky onto ground dirtied by the natural flow of life or from the pollution of a sometimes unforgiving world, reminding us of days gone by when we would fly down snow covered hills, occasionally toppling over as the sled didn't quite make the turn it was supposed to. Days trekking home from school in the snow, pretending you were lost somewhere in the Arctic, or Alaska, or some other snow covered place, trying to get home before it is too late.
As I think of the snow, I cannot help comparing it to the Atonement, and the love our Savior has for us. In a world that is so dirty and polluted, our Savior has provided us with something magical, something that can eliminate the pollution within us. Just as the snow is cold and many people grumble about the trouble it causes, as imperfect human beings we sometimes see repentance and the Atonement as a bad thing in that we do not want to admit just how wrong and out of line with the teachings of Christ we may be. This can be true for not only those who have committed major sins (adultery, murder, etc), but also for those who commit the small, every day sins (lying, holding grudges, etc).
Sometimes we tell ourselves we could enjoy the snow if we just had the proper equipment. If our boots were better or if we had better gloves we would have so much fun. We think back on the days when as children we had no inhibitions about the snow. Heck we would have gone out and rolled around in it with nothing but our pajamas if our mothers and fathers hadn't been so worried about bundling us up.
Likewise, we tell ourselves we are inadequate to partake of the Atonement. We tell ourselves that repentance will never be enough because we are not enough. This could not be farther from the truth! The Atonement and the process of repentance was put into place for us, because our Heavenly Father and our Savior know that we are not perfect, that alone we are not enough. But, with Him and His Atonement, we can, are, and will be enough, so long as we do all we can.
Have you ever noticed when snow has covered everything in sight, not just a little bit, but fully and completely enveloped it, the noises and distractions of the world are muted? There is a calming peace that comes from a world covered in pure, white snow.
I am grateful for small, seemingly insignificant moments that remind me of just how incredible my Heavenly Father and Savior are. I am grateful they love me enough to put into place the things I need to help my return to them.
If you are standing in a world full of pollution, riddled with sin, or even just sprinkled with it, do not despair! Embrace the cleansing purity of the snow that is our Savior's Atonement. I promise you, you will never go wrong if you do! And just as the snow brings to our busy and bustling world a tender peace and quiet, I testify that the Atonement will do the same for you in your personal life.
Have a fabulous day everyone!
Good, I thought to myself. As long as it isn't snowing.
About an hour later I checked outside again and watched as the first white flakes of the season came fluttering down.
For weeks now I have been moaning and groaning about the inevitable day when the first snow would come. It would be cold and wet, I wouldn't be able to wear flip flops any more, etc. I spoke of how I would be happy and content if it only snowed on Thanksgiving, during the weeks of Christmas and New Year's, and on Valentine's Day. Snow at any other time is just a nuisance.
But I have a confession. Watching those first few flakes fall from the sky did not fill me with the dread and unhappiness I have been building up to.
There is something magical about the first snow fall of the year. The cold, bringing back memories of bundling up in layers of clothing to keep in what warmth we carry inside of ourselves. It reminds us of the warmth of home.
The pure white, falling from a dark sky onto ground dirtied by the natural flow of life or from the pollution of a sometimes unforgiving world, reminding us of days gone by when we would fly down snow covered hills, occasionally toppling over as the sled didn't quite make the turn it was supposed to. Days trekking home from school in the snow, pretending you were lost somewhere in the Arctic, or Alaska, or some other snow covered place, trying to get home before it is too late.
As I think of the snow, I cannot help comparing it to the Atonement, and the love our Savior has for us. In a world that is so dirty and polluted, our Savior has provided us with something magical, something that can eliminate the pollution within us. Just as the snow is cold and many people grumble about the trouble it causes, as imperfect human beings we sometimes see repentance and the Atonement as a bad thing in that we do not want to admit just how wrong and out of line with the teachings of Christ we may be. This can be true for not only those who have committed major sins (adultery, murder, etc), but also for those who commit the small, every day sins (lying, holding grudges, etc).
Sometimes we tell ourselves we could enjoy the snow if we just had the proper equipment. If our boots were better or if we had better gloves we would have so much fun. We think back on the days when as children we had no inhibitions about the snow. Heck we would have gone out and rolled around in it with nothing but our pajamas if our mothers and fathers hadn't been so worried about bundling us up.
Likewise, we tell ourselves we are inadequate to partake of the Atonement. We tell ourselves that repentance will never be enough because we are not enough. This could not be farther from the truth! The Atonement and the process of repentance was put into place for us, because our Heavenly Father and our Savior know that we are not perfect, that alone we are not enough. But, with Him and His Atonement, we can, are, and will be enough, so long as we do all we can.
Have you ever noticed when snow has covered everything in sight, not just a little bit, but fully and completely enveloped it, the noises and distractions of the world are muted? There is a calming peace that comes from a world covered in pure, white snow.
I am grateful for small, seemingly insignificant moments that remind me of just how incredible my Heavenly Father and Savior are. I am grateful they love me enough to put into place the things I need to help my return to them.
If you are standing in a world full of pollution, riddled with sin, or even just sprinkled with it, do not despair! Embrace the cleansing purity of the snow that is our Savior's Atonement. I promise you, you will never go wrong if you do! And just as the snow brings to our busy and bustling world a tender peace and quiet, I testify that the Atonement will do the same for you in your personal life.
Have a fabulous day everyone!
 |
| First Snow. :) |
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Untitled
For the past week I have been wrestling with the demon cold from Hell. Seriously, on day one I spent most of the day sleeping save for the hour and a half that I spent lying in bed watching The Emperor's New Groove on my computer. I got up twice to eat (more out of necessity rather than any actual desire mind you) but mostly, I was in bed. Day two I managed to get up and move some more, however I was only able to sit up for a little while before getting tired and having to lie back down again. Day three and on I have been super tired with a stuffy nose, deep lung cough, and yesterday and the day before my voice was going out (it seems to be doing better today however. Probably because I decided to talk as little as possible. Lol).
Being sick and tired so much can lead to some rather depressing emotions. I took Monday off from both of my jobs (Monday was day 2 of my illness) and coming back on Tuesday, well, I found myself feeling rather...low. Particularly in my afternoon job with the school age kids. They kept going on about the other Group Leader that took over for me the day before and I couldn't help feeling inadequate. However, it didn't last long (thankfully).
Unfortunately, my uphill climb to happier days was about to hit a major road block.
My older sister decided that she wanted to end her life. Luckily, she was able to get help before being successful. I was out with my friend Emma and my other sister Maddy when I heard what happened.
At first I didn't feel anything. No sorrow, no anger, just nothing. But then I found myself feeling frustrated and angry. This isn't the first time she has done this (it's actually the third time) and I can't help feeling like she is just being selfish.
The first time she was sixteen or seventeen, and I was about ten. She overdosed on ibuprofen while I was sitting there in the room. She had gone on about how bad she felt and how nobody really cared about her. She confessed to me that she had taken several ibuprofen's earlier that day, and then proceeded to poor even more into her hand and put them in her mouth. Being ten years old, I couldn't find anything to say. I didn't know what to say. She was someone I had looked up to, someone I had admired, and here she was telling me that she didn't want to live and then proving it. I had nothing to say. I just cried. She then told me to go away so she could go to sleep.
Thankfully, I spoke up and said something. The paramedics were called and she was taken to the hospital. They pumped her stomach and she was admitted to a psych ward.
Every time she has done this since then, or every time she has gone off about how nobody cares about her, the memory of that night flashes through my head. It was one of the worst nights of my life, something I never should have been exposed to at such a young age. But it happened, and because of it I find myself feeling angry whenever she does this.
As I drove home from the movie theater after getting the news I kept thinking about how angry I was. How could she be so selfish? She's been through all of this before, she knows that we're not going to just let her go, knows how much it hurts us, so how could she do this again.
Unbidden, the thought came to my mind of, "What if this time is different? What if she doesn't make it?" As soon as I thought that a rush of guilt swept over me. What if I could have been better? What if I could have been better, done more?
I stopped myself as I realized what I was saying. Why was I blaming myself for a choice she made? The truth is, she made the choice because she just went through a break up with a guy that has been with her fro five years. Problem is he isn't good for her. I'm not saying he's a bad person or anything. He just doesn't want what she does. She wants to change, he doesn't. When their money got tight he made her come and live with my dad but is still taking care of his mom (who lives with him). I mean, I'm all for caring for your parents and things, but his mother is capable of taking care of herself, she isn't handicapped or too old or anything like that. Fact is, he chose his mother over her. That tells me that he didn't care enough about her and it was time for both of them to move on from the relationship.
Anyways, so there I was feeling guilty for something that was not my choice, that I had no control over, and that I was in no way connected to. What the heck? I should not feel guilty because it is not my fault. It was her choice, her decision to do this.
I'm not just angry. I am sad, hurt, confused. I don't know what to do right now. I don't want to not see her because I know she needs to see people. But part of me doesn't want to go, because I hate seeing sick people in the hospital. I mean, going to the hospital because someone just had a baby, I can handle that really well. But for things like this, I just...I don't even know how I feel. The only way I can describe it is that I am upset. I try to push it to the back of my mind so that I can keep functioning, so that I can be alright.
The truth is, I'm not alright.
Will I be alright? Of course I will. My record for getting through bad days and tough times is 100% thus far so I feel pretty confident in that regards. :) But for right now, I'm not alright. And that's okay.
It's okay that I'm upset. It's okay for me to have emotions, negative or positive, it's what I do with them. Do I act on those emotions? If so, how? Do I try to turn things around, try to improve my life if I'm feeling badly? That's what matters.
I am grateful for the Gospel, and I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for my Savior and His willingness to suffer for me so that He could suffer with me during times like these.
For any of you who are struggling through something. Please remember, you are beautiful, special, and important. Things may look bad and the world may be dark, but remember, the night is darkest before the dawn. Just hold on, the sun will rise, and things will get better.
Have a great week everyone! Keep smiling, and keep pressing forward. You can and will make it!
Being sick and tired so much can lead to some rather depressing emotions. I took Monday off from both of my jobs (Monday was day 2 of my illness) and coming back on Tuesday, well, I found myself feeling rather...low. Particularly in my afternoon job with the school age kids. They kept going on about the other Group Leader that took over for me the day before and I couldn't help feeling inadequate. However, it didn't last long (thankfully).
Unfortunately, my uphill climb to happier days was about to hit a major road block.
My older sister decided that she wanted to end her life. Luckily, she was able to get help before being successful. I was out with my friend Emma and my other sister Maddy when I heard what happened.
At first I didn't feel anything. No sorrow, no anger, just nothing. But then I found myself feeling frustrated and angry. This isn't the first time she has done this (it's actually the third time) and I can't help feeling like she is just being selfish.
The first time she was sixteen or seventeen, and I was about ten. She overdosed on ibuprofen while I was sitting there in the room. She had gone on about how bad she felt and how nobody really cared about her. She confessed to me that she had taken several ibuprofen's earlier that day, and then proceeded to poor even more into her hand and put them in her mouth. Being ten years old, I couldn't find anything to say. I didn't know what to say. She was someone I had looked up to, someone I had admired, and here she was telling me that she didn't want to live and then proving it. I had nothing to say. I just cried. She then told me to go away so she could go to sleep.
Thankfully, I spoke up and said something. The paramedics were called and she was taken to the hospital. They pumped her stomach and she was admitted to a psych ward.
Every time she has done this since then, or every time she has gone off about how nobody cares about her, the memory of that night flashes through my head. It was one of the worst nights of my life, something I never should have been exposed to at such a young age. But it happened, and because of it I find myself feeling angry whenever she does this.
As I drove home from the movie theater after getting the news I kept thinking about how angry I was. How could she be so selfish? She's been through all of this before, she knows that we're not going to just let her go, knows how much it hurts us, so how could she do this again.
Unbidden, the thought came to my mind of, "What if this time is different? What if she doesn't make it?" As soon as I thought that a rush of guilt swept over me. What if I could have been better? What if I could have been better, done more?
I stopped myself as I realized what I was saying. Why was I blaming myself for a choice she made? The truth is, she made the choice because she just went through a break up with a guy that has been with her fro five years. Problem is he isn't good for her. I'm not saying he's a bad person or anything. He just doesn't want what she does. She wants to change, he doesn't. When their money got tight he made her come and live with my dad but is still taking care of his mom (who lives with him). I mean, I'm all for caring for your parents and things, but his mother is capable of taking care of herself, she isn't handicapped or too old or anything like that. Fact is, he chose his mother over her. That tells me that he didn't care enough about her and it was time for both of them to move on from the relationship.
Anyways, so there I was feeling guilty for something that was not my choice, that I had no control over, and that I was in no way connected to. What the heck? I should not feel guilty because it is not my fault. It was her choice, her decision to do this.
I'm not just angry. I am sad, hurt, confused. I don't know what to do right now. I don't want to not see her because I know she needs to see people. But part of me doesn't want to go, because I hate seeing sick people in the hospital. I mean, going to the hospital because someone just had a baby, I can handle that really well. But for things like this, I just...I don't even know how I feel. The only way I can describe it is that I am upset. I try to push it to the back of my mind so that I can keep functioning, so that I can be alright.
The truth is, I'm not alright.
Will I be alright? Of course I will. My record for getting through bad days and tough times is 100% thus far so I feel pretty confident in that regards. :) But for right now, I'm not alright. And that's okay.
It's okay that I'm upset. It's okay for me to have emotions, negative or positive, it's what I do with them. Do I act on those emotions? If so, how? Do I try to turn things around, try to improve my life if I'm feeling badly? That's what matters.
I am grateful for the Gospel, and I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for my Savior and His willingness to suffer for me so that He could suffer with me during times like these.
For any of you who are struggling through something. Please remember, you are beautiful, special, and important. Things may look bad and the world may be dark, but remember, the night is darkest before the dawn. Just hold on, the sun will rise, and things will get better.
Have a great week everyone! Keep smiling, and keep pressing forward. You can and will make it!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Book to Movie: I Gotta Stop Doing this to Myself...
First of all, let me apologize to my readers that have been waiting
for an update. I have been horrible with my weekly updates, mostly
because I have been busy and wearing myself out to the point of not
wanting to be conscious when I need to blog. Since I don't have any
pressing, immediate plans right now, I figured it was a good time to get
to work and update.
Now, about the title of this post. Some of you may think that I am referring to the practice of amazing books being made into horrible movies. Actually, It's quite the opposite. It's amazing movies that compel me to read the books.
This summer I had the opportunity to see The Host as well as Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, both of which are books made into movies. I have been told by several people that I needed to read one or both of these books but I never really felt inclined to do so. Well, after seeing The Host I wanted to read it REALLY bad. Halfway through reading it, my friend and I saw City of Bones and once again I had another book I needed to read.
I zipped through the rest of The Host (which I absolutely loved, by the way) and I am now a little more than halfway done with City of Bones (which I am also loving).
I don't have a problem with books being made into movies. In fact, I really enjoy watching movie adaptations of my favorite books. The problem is watching a movie and then wanting to read the book when you have so many other books to read. :)
Speaking of book vs. movie, have you ever come across a movie adaptation that was better than the book? Feel free to share!
Have a fabulous day! :P
Now, about the title of this post. Some of you may think that I am referring to the practice of amazing books being made into horrible movies. Actually, It's quite the opposite. It's amazing movies that compel me to read the books.
This summer I had the opportunity to see The Host as well as Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, both of which are books made into movies. I have been told by several people that I needed to read one or both of these books but I never really felt inclined to do so. Well, after seeing The Host I wanted to read it REALLY bad. Halfway through reading it, my friend and I saw City of Bones and once again I had another book I needed to read.
I zipped through the rest of The Host (which I absolutely loved, by the way) and I am now a little more than halfway done with City of Bones (which I am also loving).
I don't have a problem with books being made into movies. In fact, I really enjoy watching movie adaptations of my favorite books. The problem is watching a movie and then wanting to read the book when you have so many other books to read. :)
Speaking of book vs. movie, have you ever come across a movie adaptation that was better than the book? Feel free to share!
Have a fabulous day! :P
Sunday, July 28, 2013
This is a Family, Too
Have you ever seen that picture of the different kinds of families? It has the traditional family with a mom, dad, and a kid, then there's the family with just a mom and dad, families with single parents, and finally families with same-sex parents.
I am not going to be talking about that picture, though I think it is something for people to think about. Instead, I am going to talk about a kind of family that isn't included on that picture. Probably because it would be difficult to portray it as simply as the other examples because, well, this kind of family is a little more complicated.
I am speaking of the step-family. Families where one or two people re-marry, whether from divorce or death of the previous spouse, and there are kids involved. When I say kids, I am referring to young and old offspring, not just those under 18.
This kind of family is complicated because there are several emotions and varying opinions held by the members of that family. The kids may have a hard time accepting their new step-parent for one reason or another. Perhaps they are afraid that their own parent has forgotten the other one and replaced him or her. In the case of a dead spouse the kid can't do a whole lot really, as their other parent is no longer in this life. For divorced parents, I guess the kid could go all Parent Trap on their parents and try to get them back together, but I doubt that really happens.
There is also the trouble of step-siblings. When someone has to deal with step-siblings, it can be uncomfortable and maybe a bit daunting. You're life has just added a new parent to the equation and with him or her came more variables, and like a bad algebra problem it hurts just thinking about putting it all together and coming up with a solution.
In this case, some people will just walk away from the problem and choose not to deal with it, to ignore it because it is the easier option. Unfortunately, this method of dealing with the problem is not the best and only creates more problems.
Unlike an algebraic equation, human interactions and relationships aren't always so cut and dry. You have emotions to deal with as well, which can have multiple variables and values for one person at any given time. These variables and values fluctuate and change, some more often than others. This being said, to simply walk away from what you don't want to deal with will solve nothing and only adds to those emotional variables.
Thus far this post has been mostly logical and technical. Well, now I'm going to delve into the emotional, the personal part.
My mom passed away four years ago. Her death put my dad into an awful nose dive of depression that was painful for anyone who cared to look and see it. When he met my step-mom, Betty, he was able to find the relief he needed to change and get his life back on track and heading in the right direction.
When my dad told me he was going to marry Betty, I wasn't happy. I wasn't ready for him to re-marry, despite the fact that he was happy and I could see it. It had nothing to do with him or with Betty, it was me. I argued that it was too soon, that he should wait, but honestly, I don't think it would have mattered if he waited a month or a year, I would never be ready until I decided to be.
At first I didn't know how to act with Betty. I mean, how does a step-daughter act with her step-mom? Would my accepting her cause me to forget my own mother completely? Did I have to push my mom out of my heart in order to even try to love Betty? Would loving her and accepting her be hurtful or disrespectful to my mother?
No.
Just because I let Betty into my heart and let her become the mother figure in my life, does not mean that I have forgotten my mom, or that I don't love her, or that I am being disrespectful of her. It means that I have finally moved past the pain of losing her to mortality, and I have opened my heart to others. When your best friend moves away and you don't know when you will see them again, you make new friends. You never forget that first best friend and you never stop loving them, you just make room for more.
Well, that's all it is with my step-mom. It was just a matter of making room in my heart for her too. Once I decided to do that, once I made the decision to change my attitude about the situation, it became easy for me to accept her and I have now reached the point where I don't even think twice about it. She is my step-mom and I love her very much.
Betty was married twice before my dad and has 6 kids of her own, plus a few step-kids (her late husband, Lamar, was married previously and had children with his first wife). I wasn't sure how to approach the whole step-sibling thing. Again, I found myself uncertain of how to act or what I was supposed to do. But, having already decided to accept Betty into my life, I decided I should go into the situation with the desire to make her children part of my life as well. And you know what? It has made all the difference.
In the beginning when it came to family parties with Betty's kids I was rather shy and I kept to myself, not really feeling like I fit in. But, as I have made the decision to change that, to go to these parties and events with the intention of being part of the group I have felt more and more accepted each time I go.
I recently had two opportunities to spend time with Betty's kids and step-kids. The first was a birthday party in Bountiful. The party was at Cindy's house (Lamar's daughter) and it was for her second son's sixteenth birthday. I had decided to go to the party and while I left my dad and Betty with the impression that I was only going for the free food, there was a small part of me that wanted to go. I wanted to move past the awkwardness and the attitude that they weren't really my siblings and try to make the best of it.
While I was there I didn't really talk to anyone, mostly because I am shy and as I didn't know the people there very well I didn't know what to say. But I listened to everyone as they talked, I took interest in what was going on in their lives and what they were sharing, and I felt like I was meant to be there, like I fit right in in spite of saying nothing. After the party everyone was so kind and so willing to express their gratitude for my being there that I couldn't help feeling accepted. Some of them even gave me hugs and I haven't ever talked to them in my life. What awesome people!
The second happened this last week. There was a party for my step-brother Ben's wife (Ben is Betty's son from her first marriage). While there I talked a little with my step-brother Simeon and with my step-sister Michelle. I even talked with Ben's daughter Tayley a little bit, and Michelle's son Skylar even played with me. I got hugs from Michelle's husband Mark when we arrived, and even Betty's first husband said hello to Maddy and I. They were so welcoming and loving, I couldn't help but love being there.
One huge, huge, HUGE thing about Betty's kids and step-kids. They have all been so accepting and loving towards my sister Maddy. For those who don't know, Maddy has downs syndrome. This doesn't matter to Betty's kids though. They talk to her, help her with things, play with her. It's like she's been part of their family all their lives and she fits in so perfectly. I cannot begin to describe my gratitude and appreciation for their love and affection towards her. They showed it, and you could feel it. I can always feel it with them. It's so amazing.
I was, and still am, very grateful that I went to these parties, because it taught me something very important. My attitude towards the situation is what made it bad or good for me. It had absolutely nothing to do with Betty's kids or my dad or Betty or anyone else that was there. It was all me. I made the decision to go because I wanted to. I made the decision that I wasn't going to let the fact that we aren't blood related keep me from treating them like family and accepting them as such.
Because that's what they are. Family.
I wish the situation was as simple as that, but it's not. Unfortunately, some of my own siblings are having a hard time with accepting the new additions to our family. I don't know what it is that is that's causing the roadblock. Maybe some of them are just shy and, like me, uncertain of what to do or how to react. I can see this as a possibility for a couple of my siblings because I know that they are more shy and that's just how it is.
But some of my siblings I truly don't understand why they are so against all of this. Sometimes I get the feeling that some of them are only doing it because this brother or sister is so adamant against it and that is rather frustrating. Honestly though, I have no idea.
It's disappointing to say the least.
Betty and her kids are such good, amazing, wonderful people. Yes they have their shortcomings, like we all do, but they are still good people, and they have helped my dad to be a good person too. They have blessed him in so many ways by accepting him into their lives, and they have blessed Maddy as well. I'm grateful for them, and I love them all dearly.
I wish my brothers and sisters would too.
It's hard, because no matter what I say or do, I can't make my brothers and sisters change. I can't make them like our step-mom and our step-siblings. It is a decision they have to make for themselves, and until they do things will always feel awkward for them and they will always feel off-balance.
Regardless of how frustrated I am and how disappointed I feel with my brothers and sisters there is nothing in the world that could make me stop loving them. No matter their choices, their decisions, I will always, always, always love them.
I am grateful that I have such a unique family. I am grateful that God puts people into our lives to help us and to teach us. I am grateful for God's hand in joining these families, for I most assuredly believe that he did have a hand in it, alongside my mother and Betty's husband Lamar.
This is a family too, and maybe, someday, we can all act like one.
Be grateful for your family. No family is perfect and some of them are just downright awful, but God gave you your family for a reason, whether it was to give you support in your times of need, or to give you strength to help others who are in need. So make the decision to do the right thing, to see the good and to have a positive attitude. It isn't easy, and you will have your days when you just don't feel like being happy (trust me, I've had my fair share of those), but never give up. Keep pressing forward. If you have to take a day to just cry and feel sad, that's okay. Just don't be afraid to get back up and keep going.
Have a fantastic day everybody! You're all wonderful, lovely, beautiful people!
I am not going to be talking about that picture, though I think it is something for people to think about. Instead, I am going to talk about a kind of family that isn't included on that picture. Probably because it would be difficult to portray it as simply as the other examples because, well, this kind of family is a little more complicated.
I am speaking of the step-family. Families where one or two people re-marry, whether from divorce or death of the previous spouse, and there are kids involved. When I say kids, I am referring to young and old offspring, not just those under 18.
This kind of family is complicated because there are several emotions and varying opinions held by the members of that family. The kids may have a hard time accepting their new step-parent for one reason or another. Perhaps they are afraid that their own parent has forgotten the other one and replaced him or her. In the case of a dead spouse the kid can't do a whole lot really, as their other parent is no longer in this life. For divorced parents, I guess the kid could go all Parent Trap on their parents and try to get them back together, but I doubt that really happens.
There is also the trouble of step-siblings. When someone has to deal with step-siblings, it can be uncomfortable and maybe a bit daunting. You're life has just added a new parent to the equation and with him or her came more variables, and like a bad algebra problem it hurts just thinking about putting it all together and coming up with a solution.
In this case, some people will just walk away from the problem and choose not to deal with it, to ignore it because it is the easier option. Unfortunately, this method of dealing with the problem is not the best and only creates more problems.
Unlike an algebraic equation, human interactions and relationships aren't always so cut and dry. You have emotions to deal with as well, which can have multiple variables and values for one person at any given time. These variables and values fluctuate and change, some more often than others. This being said, to simply walk away from what you don't want to deal with will solve nothing and only adds to those emotional variables.
Thus far this post has been mostly logical and technical. Well, now I'm going to delve into the emotional, the personal part.
My mom passed away four years ago. Her death put my dad into an awful nose dive of depression that was painful for anyone who cared to look and see it. When he met my step-mom, Betty, he was able to find the relief he needed to change and get his life back on track and heading in the right direction.
When my dad told me he was going to marry Betty, I wasn't happy. I wasn't ready for him to re-marry, despite the fact that he was happy and I could see it. It had nothing to do with him or with Betty, it was me. I argued that it was too soon, that he should wait, but honestly, I don't think it would have mattered if he waited a month or a year, I would never be ready until I decided to be.
At first I didn't know how to act with Betty. I mean, how does a step-daughter act with her step-mom? Would my accepting her cause me to forget my own mother completely? Did I have to push my mom out of my heart in order to even try to love Betty? Would loving her and accepting her be hurtful or disrespectful to my mother?
No.
Just because I let Betty into my heart and let her become the mother figure in my life, does not mean that I have forgotten my mom, or that I don't love her, or that I am being disrespectful of her. It means that I have finally moved past the pain of losing her to mortality, and I have opened my heart to others. When your best friend moves away and you don't know when you will see them again, you make new friends. You never forget that first best friend and you never stop loving them, you just make room for more.
Well, that's all it is with my step-mom. It was just a matter of making room in my heart for her too. Once I decided to do that, once I made the decision to change my attitude about the situation, it became easy for me to accept her and I have now reached the point where I don't even think twice about it. She is my step-mom and I love her very much.
Betty was married twice before my dad and has 6 kids of her own, plus a few step-kids (her late husband, Lamar, was married previously and had children with his first wife). I wasn't sure how to approach the whole step-sibling thing. Again, I found myself uncertain of how to act or what I was supposed to do. But, having already decided to accept Betty into my life, I decided I should go into the situation with the desire to make her children part of my life as well. And you know what? It has made all the difference.
In the beginning when it came to family parties with Betty's kids I was rather shy and I kept to myself, not really feeling like I fit in. But, as I have made the decision to change that, to go to these parties and events with the intention of being part of the group I have felt more and more accepted each time I go.
I recently had two opportunities to spend time with Betty's kids and step-kids. The first was a birthday party in Bountiful. The party was at Cindy's house (Lamar's daughter) and it was for her second son's sixteenth birthday. I had decided to go to the party and while I left my dad and Betty with the impression that I was only going for the free food, there was a small part of me that wanted to go. I wanted to move past the awkwardness and the attitude that they weren't really my siblings and try to make the best of it.
While I was there I didn't really talk to anyone, mostly because I am shy and as I didn't know the people there very well I didn't know what to say. But I listened to everyone as they talked, I took interest in what was going on in their lives and what they were sharing, and I felt like I was meant to be there, like I fit right in in spite of saying nothing. After the party everyone was so kind and so willing to express their gratitude for my being there that I couldn't help feeling accepted. Some of them even gave me hugs and I haven't ever talked to them in my life. What awesome people!
The second happened this last week. There was a party for my step-brother Ben's wife (Ben is Betty's son from her first marriage). While there I talked a little with my step-brother Simeon and with my step-sister Michelle. I even talked with Ben's daughter Tayley a little bit, and Michelle's son Skylar even played with me. I got hugs from Michelle's husband Mark when we arrived, and even Betty's first husband said hello to Maddy and I. They were so welcoming and loving, I couldn't help but love being there.
One huge, huge, HUGE thing about Betty's kids and step-kids. They have all been so accepting and loving towards my sister Maddy. For those who don't know, Maddy has downs syndrome. This doesn't matter to Betty's kids though. They talk to her, help her with things, play with her. It's like she's been part of their family all their lives and she fits in so perfectly. I cannot begin to describe my gratitude and appreciation for their love and affection towards her. They showed it, and you could feel it. I can always feel it with them. It's so amazing.
I was, and still am, very grateful that I went to these parties, because it taught me something very important. My attitude towards the situation is what made it bad or good for me. It had absolutely nothing to do with Betty's kids or my dad or Betty or anyone else that was there. It was all me. I made the decision to go because I wanted to. I made the decision that I wasn't going to let the fact that we aren't blood related keep me from treating them like family and accepting them as such.
Because that's what they are. Family.
I wish the situation was as simple as that, but it's not. Unfortunately, some of my own siblings are having a hard time with accepting the new additions to our family. I don't know what it is that is that's causing the roadblock. Maybe some of them are just shy and, like me, uncertain of what to do or how to react. I can see this as a possibility for a couple of my siblings because I know that they are more shy and that's just how it is.
But some of my siblings I truly don't understand why they are so against all of this. Sometimes I get the feeling that some of them are only doing it because this brother or sister is so adamant against it and that is rather frustrating. Honestly though, I have no idea.
It's disappointing to say the least.
Betty and her kids are such good, amazing, wonderful people. Yes they have their shortcomings, like we all do, but they are still good people, and they have helped my dad to be a good person too. They have blessed him in so many ways by accepting him into their lives, and they have blessed Maddy as well. I'm grateful for them, and I love them all dearly.
I wish my brothers and sisters would too.
It's hard, because no matter what I say or do, I can't make my brothers and sisters change. I can't make them like our step-mom and our step-siblings. It is a decision they have to make for themselves, and until they do things will always feel awkward for them and they will always feel off-balance.
Regardless of how frustrated I am and how disappointed I feel with my brothers and sisters there is nothing in the world that could make me stop loving them. No matter their choices, their decisions, I will always, always, always love them.
I am grateful that I have such a unique family. I am grateful that God puts people into our lives to help us and to teach us. I am grateful for God's hand in joining these families, for I most assuredly believe that he did have a hand in it, alongside my mother and Betty's husband Lamar.
This is a family too, and maybe, someday, we can all act like one.
Be grateful for your family. No family is perfect and some of them are just downright awful, but God gave you your family for a reason, whether it was to give you support in your times of need, or to give you strength to help others who are in need. So make the decision to do the right thing, to see the good and to have a positive attitude. It isn't easy, and you will have your days when you just don't feel like being happy (trust me, I've had my fair share of those), but never give up. Keep pressing forward. If you have to take a day to just cry and feel sad, that's okay. Just don't be afraid to get back up and keep going.
Have a fantastic day everybody! You're all wonderful, lovely, beautiful people!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
He Who Reads Lives A Thousand Lives
Disclaimer: This post may contain spoilers. I have omitted character names and the title of the book I will be discussing, but there are some facts in it that may or may not give it away. Just a heads up. ;)
This summer I have been participating in my local library's reading challenge. Complete the challenge and you get a free book (or a $5.00 fine waiver, whichever you prefer). They are also throwing in a free pass to the Natural History Museum (totally stoked!).
Anyways, I decided to finish reading a book that I had started a couple of years ago but stopped because I just wasn't in the mood for it at the time. And let me tell you, it was one heck of a ride.
The book was the last in a series of spy novels. As the story has progressed and led up to this final mission for the main character, the missions have become more and more intense. Which is totally cool with me by the way. I love when an author can get me glued to a book. It tells me they have done a good job.
In this book a criminal organization that the main character has defeated twice before in previous books decides they are going to take another shot at bringing him down. Several things take place and he ends up in a foreign country undercover. As he is underage (only 15) he is accompanied by his housekeeper and legal guardian, who has essentially become the only family he has as his parents were killed when he was a small child.
However, the mission turns out to be a ruse, a trap designed to lure the main character to the very organization that wants him dead. He nearly gets blown up while on a boat and then comes close to drowning after the explosion. He also ends up a prisoner at an old fort in the middle of the desert. A fort that has a scorpion infestation.
That's not even the worst part.
The two key players in this plot to take him down want nothing more than to cause him pain. The first is a gentleman with an odd fascination for pain. He tortures people for the mere "scientific benefit" of it (can anyone say, crazy??). The second is a boy his age who, by unfortunate happenstance and as the result of another crazy person's plot to take over the world, has the main character's face. This boy loathes the main character with every fiber of his being. Ever since the two faced off against each other in a previous book this crazy kid has dreamed of nothing more than to kill him, slowly if possible, and in the most cruel and painful way he can think of.
Unfortunately for these two nut jobs, the greater plot of the criminal organization that hired them both prevents them from causing him any physical pain. Their plan requires that he not be harmed or else it all falls to pieces. So how do they break him? How do you hurt someone you can't touch?
Attack his family. And they did.
I cannot begin to tell you of the emotional turmoil I fought as I realized what they were going to do. I kept telling myself it couldn't happen, they wouldn't kill the closest thing he has to a family. They wouldn't. They couldn't. I silently prayed that somehow, someway, she would make it out, that she would get away. But it didn't happen, and I found myself forced to set the book aside as a I wept.
They had broken him, this character that I had come to care about and love over the past few years. I had experienced his pains and his hardships as each mission became more bleak, more deadly. I watched as he grew and I saw how the weight of each mission pressed down on his spirit and I kept telling myself there had to be some kind of happy ending. He was supposed to leave the country with this friend, his family, go somewhere safe where the people responsible for throwing him into the world of espionage could not get to him. Where he could heal and be a kid, like he was supposed to be. Instead he was pulled into it again. She was killed and he watched it happen.
After her death I struggled to keep reading. There was still a good hundred pages left of the book, and he still had to stop whatever was about to happen. He still had to take down the two people responsible for her death. He was successful, of course, but at a great cost. The light had been extinguished from his eyes. The life that had been in him was gone. He was a broken child, forced to grow up by adults who cared only what use he could be to them.
It was a great book.
I know what you're thinking. "What the heck? How is that a great book? Didn't you just say it caused you emotional damage to experience? How is that good?"
The truth is, life is full of painful experiences that we have to endure. Experiences that are meant to make us stronger. It may seem odd that I am drawing such wisdom from an experience so seemingly insignificant as reading a book, but I have learned a great deal from the adventures this author has allowed me to take part in.
First of all, I've learned the importance of taking care of children. Children are meant to be that, children. They should not have to deal with the pains, pressures, and disappointments of the grown up world until they enter into it. Does that mean we should shelter them, keep them hidden from the big bad world until they are 16, 17, 18? Of course not. We want them to be prepared to enter the world, but we don't want to thrust it upon them before their time.
Second, no matter what bad things you have experienced, no matter how bleak, or how awful the world is, there is always a light. In the final pages of the book the main character is at last freed from his bondage of the spy game. He leaves his home to join the family of one of his closest friends who are now his adopted family. While he is not 100% and he will never be the same person, he is healing, and in time he will move past it.
Lastly, and this is more of a lesson in writing, sometimes the story isn't meant to end with a fairy tale "Happily Ever After". There were a number of ways that the story could have ended, one of which being that the housekeeper didn't really die, or that it was never believed she was dead in the first place. However, that wasn't how it was supposed to end. As mush as it saddened me to see how the series ended, to see the results of this final mission as far as the main character's well being, I was satisfied with the ending, because I knew, as a reader and as a writer, that was how it was meant to end.
As a writer, you don't always know how the story is going to end. I mean, sometimes the ending will come to me in the early stages and I can build up to it. Sometimes, however, as I write, I may come to learn that the ending I have planned, the one I am leading up to, isn't how it's supposed to end.
And what do I do in that situation? What do I do when I realize that the story isn't going to end in the happily ever after way that I originally wanted? I keep writing. I work towards that end that I know is the right one because, in my heart, I know it has to be that way. I know that changing it would take from the story's integrity, and I would never be satisfied with it.
I guess that could be more than just a writing lesson, couldn't it? Sometimes in our lives we are faced with situations that we do not want to accept. We try to tell ourselves "No, that isn't how it's going to be" and we try to force it to change, try to will it to be different. Like the family whose loved one is brain dead but the body is functioning with the help of machines. Maybe he or she will wake up and everything will be fine, but what if that's not how the story is supposed to end? Yes, the family can choose to keep the machines on, keep the body "alive", but will that really be enough? Are they truly satisfied and happy with that?
I love how this started out as a book review and became a deep philosophical post... Lol.
I encourage you all to read a book. I've heard it said that he who does not read lives one life. But he who reads lives a thousand lives. I know this to be a true fact, and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to read. It is great blessing to me.
Thank you for your continued reading of my blog, and for your support. As I have said before, I would love to know more about my readers, so feel free to leave a comment below. Maybe tell me about the last good book you read, or the book that has impacted you the most in your life.
Thanks again!
This summer I have been participating in my local library's reading challenge. Complete the challenge and you get a free book (or a $5.00 fine waiver, whichever you prefer). They are also throwing in a free pass to the Natural History Museum (totally stoked!).
Anyways, I decided to finish reading a book that I had started a couple of years ago but stopped because I just wasn't in the mood for it at the time. And let me tell you, it was one heck of a ride.
The book was the last in a series of spy novels. As the story has progressed and led up to this final mission for the main character, the missions have become more and more intense. Which is totally cool with me by the way. I love when an author can get me glued to a book. It tells me they have done a good job.
In this book a criminal organization that the main character has defeated twice before in previous books decides they are going to take another shot at bringing him down. Several things take place and he ends up in a foreign country undercover. As he is underage (only 15) he is accompanied by his housekeeper and legal guardian, who has essentially become the only family he has as his parents were killed when he was a small child.
However, the mission turns out to be a ruse, a trap designed to lure the main character to the very organization that wants him dead. He nearly gets blown up while on a boat and then comes close to drowning after the explosion. He also ends up a prisoner at an old fort in the middle of the desert. A fort that has a scorpion infestation.
That's not even the worst part.
The two key players in this plot to take him down want nothing more than to cause him pain. The first is a gentleman with an odd fascination for pain. He tortures people for the mere "scientific benefit" of it (can anyone say, crazy??). The second is a boy his age who, by unfortunate happenstance and as the result of another crazy person's plot to take over the world, has the main character's face. This boy loathes the main character with every fiber of his being. Ever since the two faced off against each other in a previous book this crazy kid has dreamed of nothing more than to kill him, slowly if possible, and in the most cruel and painful way he can think of.
Unfortunately for these two nut jobs, the greater plot of the criminal organization that hired them both prevents them from causing him any physical pain. Their plan requires that he not be harmed or else it all falls to pieces. So how do they break him? How do you hurt someone you can't touch?
Attack his family. And they did.
I cannot begin to tell you of the emotional turmoil I fought as I realized what they were going to do. I kept telling myself it couldn't happen, they wouldn't kill the closest thing he has to a family. They wouldn't. They couldn't. I silently prayed that somehow, someway, she would make it out, that she would get away. But it didn't happen, and I found myself forced to set the book aside as a I wept.
They had broken him, this character that I had come to care about and love over the past few years. I had experienced his pains and his hardships as each mission became more bleak, more deadly. I watched as he grew and I saw how the weight of each mission pressed down on his spirit and I kept telling myself there had to be some kind of happy ending. He was supposed to leave the country with this friend, his family, go somewhere safe where the people responsible for throwing him into the world of espionage could not get to him. Where he could heal and be a kid, like he was supposed to be. Instead he was pulled into it again. She was killed and he watched it happen.
After her death I struggled to keep reading. There was still a good hundred pages left of the book, and he still had to stop whatever was about to happen. He still had to take down the two people responsible for her death. He was successful, of course, but at a great cost. The light had been extinguished from his eyes. The life that had been in him was gone. He was a broken child, forced to grow up by adults who cared only what use he could be to them.
It was a great book.
I know what you're thinking. "What the heck? How is that a great book? Didn't you just say it caused you emotional damage to experience? How is that good?"
The truth is, life is full of painful experiences that we have to endure. Experiences that are meant to make us stronger. It may seem odd that I am drawing such wisdom from an experience so seemingly insignificant as reading a book, but I have learned a great deal from the adventures this author has allowed me to take part in.
First of all, I've learned the importance of taking care of children. Children are meant to be that, children. They should not have to deal with the pains, pressures, and disappointments of the grown up world until they enter into it. Does that mean we should shelter them, keep them hidden from the big bad world until they are 16, 17, 18? Of course not. We want them to be prepared to enter the world, but we don't want to thrust it upon them before their time.
Second, no matter what bad things you have experienced, no matter how bleak, or how awful the world is, there is always a light. In the final pages of the book the main character is at last freed from his bondage of the spy game. He leaves his home to join the family of one of his closest friends who are now his adopted family. While he is not 100% and he will never be the same person, he is healing, and in time he will move past it.
Lastly, and this is more of a lesson in writing, sometimes the story isn't meant to end with a fairy tale "Happily Ever After". There were a number of ways that the story could have ended, one of which being that the housekeeper didn't really die, or that it was never believed she was dead in the first place. However, that wasn't how it was supposed to end. As mush as it saddened me to see how the series ended, to see the results of this final mission as far as the main character's well being, I was satisfied with the ending, because I knew, as a reader and as a writer, that was how it was meant to end.
As a writer, you don't always know how the story is going to end. I mean, sometimes the ending will come to me in the early stages and I can build up to it. Sometimes, however, as I write, I may come to learn that the ending I have planned, the one I am leading up to, isn't how it's supposed to end.
And what do I do in that situation? What do I do when I realize that the story isn't going to end in the happily ever after way that I originally wanted? I keep writing. I work towards that end that I know is the right one because, in my heart, I know it has to be that way. I know that changing it would take from the story's integrity, and I would never be satisfied with it.
I guess that could be more than just a writing lesson, couldn't it? Sometimes in our lives we are faced with situations that we do not want to accept. We try to tell ourselves "No, that isn't how it's going to be" and we try to force it to change, try to will it to be different. Like the family whose loved one is brain dead but the body is functioning with the help of machines. Maybe he or she will wake up and everything will be fine, but what if that's not how the story is supposed to end? Yes, the family can choose to keep the machines on, keep the body "alive", but will that really be enough? Are they truly satisfied and happy with that?
I love how this started out as a book review and became a deep philosophical post... Lol.
I encourage you all to read a book. I've heard it said that he who does not read lives one life. But he who reads lives a thousand lives. I know this to be a true fact, and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to read. It is great blessing to me.
Thank you for your continued reading of my blog, and for your support. As I have said before, I would love to know more about my readers, so feel free to leave a comment below. Maybe tell me about the last good book you read, or the book that has impacted you the most in your life.
Thanks again!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
What Sorrow...
...that I should find such disappointment at something I was so looking forward to.
I just finished a book that I borrowed from the library yesterday. It's a book that I have been wanting to read for a while now, based on the fact that I enjoyed the movie adaptation so much.
As it is customary for books to differ from their movie counterparts, I expected to have a different experience with the book than I did with the movie, though I was certain it would be just as satisfying as the movie had been.
I was wrong.
For the sake of being objective, and to avoid hindering anyone else's opinion or desire to read this book, I will not share it's title. It had a good story line, very interesting and well written. However, upon reading the last few words and closing it, I found I was not satisfied at all.
I did not like the book.
It was not how the book ended, or the fact that it was a completely different ending from the movie, it was simply that I did not feel anything for this book. To be completely honest, I really did not care so much for the characters. I did not finish the book out of love or concern for the character's well being, but simply out of curiosity for the plot. And that was rather disappointing.
Now you must understand, some of the major plots in the story were rather interesting and I couldn't help but wonder how it was going to play out. But, when it comes to books, in order for me to enjoy the full extent of the story, I have to connect with the characters, or else it's like reading a text book about some historical event you never learned about. Curious to know what happened and how it all ended, but you don't feel the same emotion as something you read for enjoyment (unless you like reading textbooks which is totally fine).
At first it wasn't very clear to me why the book did not bring me as much satisfaction as I had hoped for however as I have been writing this post and thinking about the story itself I have been able to work some of it out.
Firstly, the characters. I don't want to say that the author didn't think about the characters or give them any real depth because that wouldn't be entirely true. It's just that they felt so generic, so a-typical, that I could tell you the basics about them and you could probably apply it to at least a hundred different teen novels or movies. I mean, I get that nowadays it's hard to come up with something original, and I wholeheartedly believe the saying that all writer's are thieves (meaning we steal ideas from other places), but for goodness sakes at least give them some kind of twist to make them your own.
Secondly: Throughout most of this book I found myself wondering if the main character and her love interest would actually go all the way and have sex because that seemed to be a major focal point in the story. I mean, it was like the story had two major plots. The plot that they talk about on the back of the book, and then whether or not these two were going to have sex. That bugged me. I mean, the main characters talk about love and yet it seems to me like they cared more about lust. The book wasn't riddled with sex or anything, but the amount of time the character spent thinking about sex and how badly she wanted it from her boyfriend made it hard to think she really loved him at all.
Reason 2.5 (because it kind of ties into the second reason) I understand the whole raging hormones thing with teenagers, but sex isn't the only thing they think about. No wonder so many parents are freaking out about their kids going off and having sex every time they walk out the front door. Society is painting teenagers in that light and it's not the teenagers that are writing this stuff. It the adults. Do teenagers have sex? Yes, I won't argue with that. But, is that all they think about, all they care about? NO! Stop making it seem like all they care about is sex for heaven's sake!
*sigh* Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box now. Lol.
Anyway, the point of writing this post wasn't so much to rant and rave about the book (thought it has helped to get my thoughts out). The point is, I was so excited to read this book and it came up as such a big disappointment which makes me sad.
I absolutely love reading. I love movies and TV shows too, but books, well, nothing can compare. There's nothing that can compare to the joy of curling up on the couch or lying in bed with an open book and sinking deep into its world, becoming the invisible bystander to the events transpiring and feeling the adrenaline as the plot thickens and secrets are revealed. And even though it can be sad coming to the end of a book and realizing you must bid farewell to the new friends you have made and the short life you were able to live and experience through those black words on the page, finishing a book can be exhilarating. The best is when you close the book and as you take in your surroundings it feels like you've come home from one of the greatest adventures of your life.
I love it.
So, when a book fails to produce that kind of exhilaration, that adrenaline, that joyful homecoming feel, it is disappointing and sad. That's the real reason I started this post. That was how I felt. Disappointed and unhappy.
But you want to know the best part about reading? No matter how disappointed you were at the end of the book or how sad you are to say goodbye, there are always thousands, hundreds of thousands more adventures to take.
You just have to find the right one.
I just finished a book that I borrowed from the library yesterday. It's a book that I have been wanting to read for a while now, based on the fact that I enjoyed the movie adaptation so much.
As it is customary for books to differ from their movie counterparts, I expected to have a different experience with the book than I did with the movie, though I was certain it would be just as satisfying as the movie had been.
I was wrong.
For the sake of being objective, and to avoid hindering anyone else's opinion or desire to read this book, I will not share it's title. It had a good story line, very interesting and well written. However, upon reading the last few words and closing it, I found I was not satisfied at all.
I did not like the book.
It was not how the book ended, or the fact that it was a completely different ending from the movie, it was simply that I did not feel anything for this book. To be completely honest, I really did not care so much for the characters. I did not finish the book out of love or concern for the character's well being, but simply out of curiosity for the plot. And that was rather disappointing.
Now you must understand, some of the major plots in the story were rather interesting and I couldn't help but wonder how it was going to play out. But, when it comes to books, in order for me to enjoy the full extent of the story, I have to connect with the characters, or else it's like reading a text book about some historical event you never learned about. Curious to know what happened and how it all ended, but you don't feel the same emotion as something you read for enjoyment (unless you like reading textbooks which is totally fine).
At first it wasn't very clear to me why the book did not bring me as much satisfaction as I had hoped for however as I have been writing this post and thinking about the story itself I have been able to work some of it out.
Firstly, the characters. I don't want to say that the author didn't think about the characters or give them any real depth because that wouldn't be entirely true. It's just that they felt so generic, so a-typical, that I could tell you the basics about them and you could probably apply it to at least a hundred different teen novels or movies. I mean, I get that nowadays it's hard to come up with something original, and I wholeheartedly believe the saying that all writer's are thieves (meaning we steal ideas from other places), but for goodness sakes at least give them some kind of twist to make them your own.
Secondly: Throughout most of this book I found myself wondering if the main character and her love interest would actually go all the way and have sex because that seemed to be a major focal point in the story. I mean, it was like the story had two major plots. The plot that they talk about on the back of the book, and then whether or not these two were going to have sex. That bugged me. I mean, the main characters talk about love and yet it seems to me like they cared more about lust. The book wasn't riddled with sex or anything, but the amount of time the character spent thinking about sex and how badly she wanted it from her boyfriend made it hard to think she really loved him at all.
Reason 2.5 (because it kind of ties into the second reason) I understand the whole raging hormones thing with teenagers, but sex isn't the only thing they think about. No wonder so many parents are freaking out about their kids going off and having sex every time they walk out the front door. Society is painting teenagers in that light and it's not the teenagers that are writing this stuff. It the adults. Do teenagers have sex? Yes, I won't argue with that. But, is that all they think about, all they care about? NO! Stop making it seem like all they care about is sex for heaven's sake!
*sigh* Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box now. Lol.
Anyway, the point of writing this post wasn't so much to rant and rave about the book (thought it has helped to get my thoughts out). The point is, I was so excited to read this book and it came up as such a big disappointment which makes me sad.
I absolutely love reading. I love movies and TV shows too, but books, well, nothing can compare. There's nothing that can compare to the joy of curling up on the couch or lying in bed with an open book and sinking deep into its world, becoming the invisible bystander to the events transpiring and feeling the adrenaline as the plot thickens and secrets are revealed. And even though it can be sad coming to the end of a book and realizing you must bid farewell to the new friends you have made and the short life you were able to live and experience through those black words on the page, finishing a book can be exhilarating. The best is when you close the book and as you take in your surroundings it feels like you've come home from one of the greatest adventures of your life.
I love it.
So, when a book fails to produce that kind of exhilaration, that adrenaline, that joyful homecoming feel, it is disappointing and sad. That's the real reason I started this post. That was how I felt. Disappointed and unhappy.
But you want to know the best part about reading? No matter how disappointed you were at the end of the book or how sad you are to say goodbye, there are always thousands, hundreds of thousands more adventures to take.
You just have to find the right one.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
It's Nice to Feel Gratitude Again
I have been struggling with feelings of discouragement and inadequacy the past few weeks. Since moving back to Salt Lake and living with my dad things have been seeming rather bleak. I have not been able to find a job as of yet, despite having applied to several, which has hindered my desire to move out and find my own place. Do not get me wrong, I love being able to spend time with my family so easily and it's nice having free time, but after living on my own for 4 years, having to move back in with your parents kind of sucks, regardless of how much you love them.
It isn't just that though. I have been feeling discouraged about, well, everything it seems. I find myself longing to do things, getting excited to go out and do things, only to have that excitement shot down by disappointing thoughts of how I'll probably never get to do it, or how it's going to be forever before it happens.
Not having a job also causes worry in that I do not have a steady income with which to pay the bills. I had a solution to this problem, however it required travel by car and, wouldn't you know it, my car decided to have trouble. So much for that...
Another downfall of living at home is I do not get to see my friends very much. I don't know anyone in this neighborhood well enough to hang out with them (it's not the neighborhood I grew up in) and the friends that I do have up here require, you guessed it, travel be car. *sigh* This puts me in a rather depressing predicament because you see I am an extrovert, which means that I get my energy from socializing with other people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy doing things by myself, or that I can't be alone because I believe that everyone, even extroverts, need time to themselves to either read a good book, watch a show, write, or whatever it is they enjoy doing. But I can only ration my energy supply so much without completely burning out. Sure, I can text friends and talk on the phone with them, but you don't get the same energy out of a text that you do with face to face interaction.
Luckily for me, I have wonderful friends who know me all too well and are willing to drive a hundred and twenty miles just to come and see me.
Today, my friends Kayla, Kendra, and Kendra's husband Kyle drove up from Sanpete County to see me. You see, originally, the plan was to have me come down and see them but with my car not working, well, you can imagine that didn't last very long. I was devastated when the realization that my much needed social time with them was in jeopardy of not happening. And then Kayla told me they would be coming up here to see me and everything seemed to be right with the world again.
So today I spent the morning cleaning the room I presently share with my sister (by the way, it looks AMAZING! Well, except for the closet...that's Monday's project). It was almost three o'clock when they showed up and they didn't leave until eight. Five hours of hanging out and socializing with my friends. Needless to say, it was much needed and very welcome.
Also, it's been raining lately. I love the rain so much. The smell, the sound, the feel as it touches your skin. I love the lightning as it flashes across the sky, striking close enough that you feel the thunder, not just hear it. It's truly one of the most magnificent things in nature ever. I love it.
There's more to the rain than just how much I myself love it though. I mentioned previously how much my mom loved the rain (see "Thanks Mom" posted January 5, 2013). As I started writing this post, thinking about all of the discouragement and the things that have been making me unhappy, my thoughts just stopped and were replaced by "It's raining" and I knew my mom was telling me that everything will be okay and not to let things get me down.
While my friends were here we went to a park near my house and as we sat talking the rain came, first in little sprinkles, then a soft drizzle, and finally it started pouring. We went back to the car but not without getting completely soaked first.
I like to think it was my mom's way of giving me a great big hug, even if I didn't realize it at the time.
I feel so grateful for the wonderful blessing today was and I am grateful God has given me friends to help me when I need it. And I am grateful for a mother who loves me enough to send the rain. :)
It isn't just that though. I have been feeling discouraged about, well, everything it seems. I find myself longing to do things, getting excited to go out and do things, only to have that excitement shot down by disappointing thoughts of how I'll probably never get to do it, or how it's going to be forever before it happens.
Not having a job also causes worry in that I do not have a steady income with which to pay the bills. I had a solution to this problem, however it required travel by car and, wouldn't you know it, my car decided to have trouble. So much for that...
Another downfall of living at home is I do not get to see my friends very much. I don't know anyone in this neighborhood well enough to hang out with them (it's not the neighborhood I grew up in) and the friends that I do have up here require, you guessed it, travel be car. *sigh* This puts me in a rather depressing predicament because you see I am an extrovert, which means that I get my energy from socializing with other people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy doing things by myself, or that I can't be alone because I believe that everyone, even extroverts, need time to themselves to either read a good book, watch a show, write, or whatever it is they enjoy doing. But I can only ration my energy supply so much without completely burning out. Sure, I can text friends and talk on the phone with them, but you don't get the same energy out of a text that you do with face to face interaction.
Luckily for me, I have wonderful friends who know me all too well and are willing to drive a hundred and twenty miles just to come and see me.
Today, my friends Kayla, Kendra, and Kendra's husband Kyle drove up from Sanpete County to see me. You see, originally, the plan was to have me come down and see them but with my car not working, well, you can imagine that didn't last very long. I was devastated when the realization that my much needed social time with them was in jeopardy of not happening. And then Kayla told me they would be coming up here to see me and everything seemed to be right with the world again.
So today I spent the morning cleaning the room I presently share with my sister (by the way, it looks AMAZING! Well, except for the closet...that's Monday's project). It was almost three o'clock when they showed up and they didn't leave until eight. Five hours of hanging out and socializing with my friends. Needless to say, it was much needed and very welcome.
Also, it's been raining lately. I love the rain so much. The smell, the sound, the feel as it touches your skin. I love the lightning as it flashes across the sky, striking close enough that you feel the thunder, not just hear it. It's truly one of the most magnificent things in nature ever. I love it.
There's more to the rain than just how much I myself love it though. I mentioned previously how much my mom loved the rain (see "Thanks Mom" posted January 5, 2013). As I started writing this post, thinking about all of the discouragement and the things that have been making me unhappy, my thoughts just stopped and were replaced by "It's raining" and I knew my mom was telling me that everything will be okay and not to let things get me down.
While my friends were here we went to a park near my house and as we sat talking the rain came, first in little sprinkles, then a soft drizzle, and finally it started pouring. We went back to the car but not without getting completely soaked first.
I like to think it was my mom's way of giving me a great big hug, even if I didn't realize it at the time.
I feel so grateful for the wonderful blessing today was and I am grateful God has given me friends to help me when I need it. And I am grateful for a mother who loves me enough to send the rain. :)
Friday, June 28, 2013
Courage to Let Go
I am an avid Pinterest user. I think it's brilliant and I have not only found great fitness tips, food ideas, and other various things of interest, but I have also been able to find a number of really great quotes.
While perusing my Pinterest today, I discovered the following quote:
I found this quote to be rather interesting. Courage to let go of what you can't change. I never really thought about how courage can tie into letting something go, but as I pondered the meaning it made sense.
I think that all of us are or have been in a situation where letting go of something--or someone--was the last thing in the world we wanted to do, regardless of whether we knew it would make us happier to do so.
Someone close to me is in a relationship with a guy who, while he isn't the worst guy in the world, he is no longer the right person for her. Maybe he was right for her five years ago, because it seemed like they both wanted the same things and therefore they were a good fit. However, over time it has become apparent that she wants to change and become a better person while he does not. Again, he is not a bad guy. He has stuck with her through some very tough times while lesser men would have walked away. It's just that they no longer want the same things.
Multiple people have advised her that it would be best for her to move on, to let him go. However the concept of doing so just devastates her. She knows it is the right thing, but she refuses to do it and I find myself wondering, why? She knows it would be better, that she would ultimately be happier, so why? Why keep a hold of it? Why not just let it go?
Fear.
Fear is a powerful weapon when it comes to discouraging us from doing what we know is right. Perhaps she is afraid that if she lets him go she'll never find another guy. Maybe she thinks that her worth is based solely on the fact that she be in this relationship (which I wholeheartedly disagree with, by the way). Or maybe it is simply the fear of how much it will hurt, how badly she will feel once it is over.
Whatever the reason, whatever it is she is afraid of, the fact still remains that her fear is keeping her from truly moving on to where she wants to be, where she needs to be.
My first semester of college I went to a hypnotist show. At the end of the performance, the hypnotist said something that has stuck with me for five years.
"Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real."
False Evidence Appearing Real. That's all fear is, just a wolf in sheep's clothing. And once we realize and accept that, we can conquer our fear.
I have also heard that fear is the opposite of faith. I believe this to be true. Whether it's faith in a higher power or powers, or simply faith in yourself, having faith will blot out your fears every time.
So I am issuing this challenge to all of you. Take courage, and let go. Realize that your fears are not real, have faith, and press forward with your life. Choose to be happy and to let yourself be happy. It won't be easy, and it will take time (you can't retrain a lifetime of thinking overnight ya know). If things are hard just remember that everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.
Keep smiling everyone, and no matter what anyone says know that I have every faith in you to be your very best happiest self.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Per chance to dream...
I had an epic dream last night that would make for an awesome story. I know, I know, I have a hundred stories to work on already, I don't need another. But anyone who is a writer knows, that when you have an epic idea for a story, you can't just forget about it, no matter how many other stories you have or how far you are with other stories. You have to at least write it down, or it will be lost forever.
Back to the dream. I was about high school age and I was part of this little team of heroes I guess you could say. There was Adam, the leader of the group, just older than me and my love interest. Next was Dilas, 13 years old (male) and a girl whose name I don't know but she was about 15 or 16. Then there was the youngest in our group at 8 or 9 (I know, weird that the youngest person in the group hadn't even hit the double digits yet, but that's how it was).
I don't know what any of the other people's abilities/powers were, but mine were pretty sweet. I had visions of the future and I could put people to sleep by giving them a kiss (not every person I kissed would fall asleep, just when I wanted them to). I also had the ability to sense and perceive things about other people. It was pretty cool. :)
In my dream we had another person that was supposed to join the group (I had seen him in a vision). The kid was in high school and a member of the pep band. The band just got back from an away game so we went to meet him at the bus. I didn't know the kids name, but I knew his face, so I had to look for him in the crowd. When I spotted him our little group went over to meet him. It was my friend Austin (funny that the guy in the dream was in the high school pep band and my friend Austin actually was in the pep band).
We were able to convince him to join up with us and had him make an oath that was required of all members. Now not everybody could see the evil that our little group fought every day. Because of this, there was a special pair of glasses that new members had to wear as they swore the oath. Apparently the glasses had some kind of special power that enabled the person to see the evil once they made the oath. I don't know all of the details, but that's how it worked. So Austin put on the glasses and made the oath.
One other person I forgot to mention. Adam's dad. He didn't know what was going on with us kids at first but eventually found out.
Continuing on, as I mentioned before one of my abilities allowed me to sense and perceive things that others could not. Well, I perceived something about one of our members that nobody else knew. The youngest one, the eight year old, had something dark inside of her. I didn't know what it was or what was going on, I just saw a flash of the darkness, kind of like a reflection or shadow of the little girl but it was evil (WAY trippy, I must say).
Austin could tell that something was off about her, but he didn't know what (he didn't have the same ability as me to actually see what it was). The three of us--Austin, the little girl, and I--were sitting in one of the rooms at Adam's house talking and while she was playing Austin commented on the fact that something wasn't right. I decided to talk to him about what I had seen however I had the problem of the little girl being present (I didn't know if she knew about the darkness in her or what was going on exactly). I decided to use my magic to make her sleep so that I could talk to Austin without troubling her (why I didn't just send her out, I have no idea). So I cradled her in my arms and kissed her forehead. Her eyelids grew heavy and eventually closed.
Just as I was about to start talking to Austin, the little girl's eyes opened and she looked at me, confused. She asked what was going on. I told her not to worry and to go back to sleep. I kissed her again, thinking that maybe I didn't really use my magic the first time, but nothing happened. The little girl glared at me as she figured out what I was trying to do. She ran out of the room and told Adam, freaking out because I was trying to make her sleep.
Adam came into the room and asked what I was doing. I hadn't told anyone about what I had seen with the little girl. Our group had been together for a long time and I didn't know what they would say. Plus, how do you convince someone that a little girl has something evil in her when they can't see what you can see? So when Adam asked why I was trying to make her sleep I came up with a lie.
Before he could question what I said I changed the subject and told him about how my magic wasn't working on her. See, normally people would stay asleep for hours after I gave them one of my kisses, but that hadn't been the case with her. Adam thought it was weird and suggested I test out my magic on something not human. Adam had a hamster named Steve (awesome right? I totally want a hamster named Steve now. Lol) and he decided to have me test out my power on it. So I did.
At first Steve went limp like he was in a deep sleep, but after a few seconds he started to convulse like he was having a seizure, which had never happened before. I started to freak out because I didn't know what was going on. Adam tried to console me but it didn't help. I said something about how I was cursed and ran out of the house crying.
I went to this playground where our group liked to hang out and discuss things, wanting to get away from everyone as quickly as possible and to be left a lone for a while. I climbed up into this tree house, hugged my knees, and continued to cry. Out of nowhere dozens of little kids showed up and started coming towards me, asking what was wrong. However, it wasn't in that cute way that little kids sometimes do. It was downright creepy. They all tried to grab me and it was like they were zombies or something, moaning and saying things I couldn't understand.
I freaked out, started telling them to go away and leave me alone. Suddenly, the zombie children were gone and Adam was right there, kneeling beside me and trying to get my attention. There was also a group of girls, about fifth and sixth grade age, asking me to help them with some bullies that were giving them trouble (apparently I had helped them in the past).
I realized that I had been hallucinating, that the talking had been those girls and the grabbing was Adam trying to get me to snap out of it. I looked at Adam and saw a mixture of confusion, fear, and worry in his eyes. I started to cry and he pulled me into a hug, telling the girls that I couldn't help them today.
That was when I woke up. Weird, but TOTALLY awesome dream, right???
Some other things about the dream that weren't really part of the story line, just little tidbit facts. Adam had light brown hair with sea green eyes (super attractive... :P ). Also, Adam and I weren't actually dating. I liked him and apparently I had some kind of vision with the two of us where he kissed me, but I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if it would change the vision. Lastly, in my vision that I had where I knew Austin would be part of our team, I also learned that he would go all dark side and we would have to fight against him. But, my dream self seemed to forget that part of the vision or something, because she had no idea when she found him after he got off the bus.
And once again, my overactive imagination strikes my dreams again. Seriously though, I don't mind when it does. I actually like it a lot. :D
What kind of awesome dreams have you had? Dreams that were super sad, happy, or even very freaky? Please feel free to comment below!
Have an awesome day everyone!
Back to the dream. I was about high school age and I was part of this little team of heroes I guess you could say. There was Adam, the leader of the group, just older than me and my love interest. Next was Dilas, 13 years old (male) and a girl whose name I don't know but she was about 15 or 16. Then there was the youngest in our group at 8 or 9 (I know, weird that the youngest person in the group hadn't even hit the double digits yet, but that's how it was).
I don't know what any of the other people's abilities/powers were, but mine were pretty sweet. I had visions of the future and I could put people to sleep by giving them a kiss (not every person I kissed would fall asleep, just when I wanted them to). I also had the ability to sense and perceive things about other people. It was pretty cool. :)
In my dream we had another person that was supposed to join the group (I had seen him in a vision). The kid was in high school and a member of the pep band. The band just got back from an away game so we went to meet him at the bus. I didn't know the kids name, but I knew his face, so I had to look for him in the crowd. When I spotted him our little group went over to meet him. It was my friend Austin (funny that the guy in the dream was in the high school pep band and my friend Austin actually was in the pep band).
We were able to convince him to join up with us and had him make an oath that was required of all members. Now not everybody could see the evil that our little group fought every day. Because of this, there was a special pair of glasses that new members had to wear as they swore the oath. Apparently the glasses had some kind of special power that enabled the person to see the evil once they made the oath. I don't know all of the details, but that's how it worked. So Austin put on the glasses and made the oath.
One other person I forgot to mention. Adam's dad. He didn't know what was going on with us kids at first but eventually found out.
Continuing on, as I mentioned before one of my abilities allowed me to sense and perceive things that others could not. Well, I perceived something about one of our members that nobody else knew. The youngest one, the eight year old, had something dark inside of her. I didn't know what it was or what was going on, I just saw a flash of the darkness, kind of like a reflection or shadow of the little girl but it was evil (WAY trippy, I must say).
Austin could tell that something was off about her, but he didn't know what (he didn't have the same ability as me to actually see what it was). The three of us--Austin, the little girl, and I--were sitting in one of the rooms at Adam's house talking and while she was playing Austin commented on the fact that something wasn't right. I decided to talk to him about what I had seen however I had the problem of the little girl being present (I didn't know if she knew about the darkness in her or what was going on exactly). I decided to use my magic to make her sleep so that I could talk to Austin without troubling her (why I didn't just send her out, I have no idea). So I cradled her in my arms and kissed her forehead. Her eyelids grew heavy and eventually closed.
Just as I was about to start talking to Austin, the little girl's eyes opened and she looked at me, confused. She asked what was going on. I told her not to worry and to go back to sleep. I kissed her again, thinking that maybe I didn't really use my magic the first time, but nothing happened. The little girl glared at me as she figured out what I was trying to do. She ran out of the room and told Adam, freaking out because I was trying to make her sleep.
Adam came into the room and asked what I was doing. I hadn't told anyone about what I had seen with the little girl. Our group had been together for a long time and I didn't know what they would say. Plus, how do you convince someone that a little girl has something evil in her when they can't see what you can see? So when Adam asked why I was trying to make her sleep I came up with a lie.
Before he could question what I said I changed the subject and told him about how my magic wasn't working on her. See, normally people would stay asleep for hours after I gave them one of my kisses, but that hadn't been the case with her. Adam thought it was weird and suggested I test out my magic on something not human. Adam had a hamster named Steve (awesome right? I totally want a hamster named Steve now. Lol) and he decided to have me test out my power on it. So I did.
At first Steve went limp like he was in a deep sleep, but after a few seconds he started to convulse like he was having a seizure, which had never happened before. I started to freak out because I didn't know what was going on. Adam tried to console me but it didn't help. I said something about how I was cursed and ran out of the house crying.
I went to this playground where our group liked to hang out and discuss things, wanting to get away from everyone as quickly as possible and to be left a lone for a while. I climbed up into this tree house, hugged my knees, and continued to cry. Out of nowhere dozens of little kids showed up and started coming towards me, asking what was wrong. However, it wasn't in that cute way that little kids sometimes do. It was downright creepy. They all tried to grab me and it was like they were zombies or something, moaning and saying things I couldn't understand.
I freaked out, started telling them to go away and leave me alone. Suddenly, the zombie children were gone and Adam was right there, kneeling beside me and trying to get my attention. There was also a group of girls, about fifth and sixth grade age, asking me to help them with some bullies that were giving them trouble (apparently I had helped them in the past).
I realized that I had been hallucinating, that the talking had been those girls and the grabbing was Adam trying to get me to snap out of it. I looked at Adam and saw a mixture of confusion, fear, and worry in his eyes. I started to cry and he pulled me into a hug, telling the girls that I couldn't help them today.
That was when I woke up. Weird, but TOTALLY awesome dream, right???
Some other things about the dream that weren't really part of the story line, just little tidbit facts. Adam had light brown hair with sea green eyes (super attractive... :P ). Also, Adam and I weren't actually dating. I liked him and apparently I had some kind of vision with the two of us where he kissed me, but I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if it would change the vision. Lastly, in my vision that I had where I knew Austin would be part of our team, I also learned that he would go all dark side and we would have to fight against him. But, my dream self seemed to forget that part of the vision or something, because she had no idea when she found him after he got off the bus.
And once again, my overactive imagination strikes my dreams again. Seriously though, I don't mind when it does. I actually like it a lot. :D
What kind of awesome dreams have you had? Dreams that were super sad, happy, or even very freaky? Please feel free to comment below!
Have an awesome day everyone!
Getting to Know My Readers
I was thinking about this blog a little while ago and how I have so many people that read it and yet there are little to no comments ever posted. I understand some people may not have anything to say so that's probably what it is, but as I continued to think about it I found myself wanting to get to know my readers a little more, especially my international ones.
So, I am using this post to tell all of you that I welcome your comments very much. Be advised, any spamming in the comments or negative remarks will be removed. I want this to be a happy blog. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Thanks for reading! :)
So, I am using this post to tell all of you that I welcome your comments very much. Be advised, any spamming in the comments or negative remarks will be removed. I want this to be a happy blog. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Thanks for reading! :)
Thursday, May 9, 2013
We're All Beautiful
Our society today places a great deal of emphasis on beauty, particularly physical beauty. We are constantly bombarded with television commercials, billboards, magazine ads, etc that tell us "Try our product and you'll have perfect skin" or "Use our toothpaste and you'll have beautiful white teeth." I mean, how many commercials related to physical appearance and beauty do you see just in the hour you are watching your favorite television show? I haven't sat down and counted -- yet -- but I'm sure it's more than we may think.
Every day people around the world, men and women alike, are told they need to be a little skinnier, a little taller, a little shorter, have whiter teeth, longer or shorter hair, bigger or smaller boobs/muscles/butts. The question I have is, why? Why do I need to have bigger boobs to feel good about myself? Why do I have to wear contacts instead of glasses to look prettier? Why do I need to be taller, skinner, more revealing in my clothing, to be beautiful?
The correct answer is, I don't.
What? But Stephanie, how will you ever get a date if you aren't skinny? You want to get married, right? How will you ever find a boyfriend, much less a husband, if you don't have perfect hair, teeth, skin, and just an overall perfect body? How can you ever love yourself?
If you're wondering, yes, these questions have run through my mind hundreds, thousands of times in my life. Those days when I see my friends posting cute pictures of themselves with their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives/fiances on Facebook, when I read that yet another of my friends or family members will be bringing a new life into this world, and those days when a guy that I like chooses someone else, these thoughts run through my head:
I'm ugly. I'm too fat, too short, my clothes aren't right, my teeth aren't white enough, my smile is funny looking, my thighs too big, face too round, eyebrows too thick, eyes not big enough, lips too small or chapped. I'm just not pretty enough.
But do I stop there? Oh no, once I get on board the pity train I could go for miles.
I'm weird, I laugh to loud, my laugh is awful and annoying, I'm not smart enough, I am not a good enough writer, I'm and awful friend, sister, aunt, daughter, co-worker. I don't update my blog like I should, I don't say enough nice things to people, if I had been a better friend then (blank) wouldn't have done (blank) and ended up in the sad situation that they are in. I am not enough. I am alone because I am not enough.
I am worthless.
Ever happened to you? Still happen to you? I'm pretty sure everyone in this world has had or will have a moment, if not several, where circumstances in their lives lead them to these thoughts.Well guess what? I'm here to tell you, to tell everyone, that they're all lies. You are not worthless. You are not ugly.
You are BEAUTIFUL.
 |
| Kyla and Kayla |
Kyla and I met when we were about 11. We were in the same Ward and we lived just down the street from each other. Kyla is my best friend. She stood by me through so many trials it isn't even funny. She was there the night my mom died and did what she could to get the word out to my other friends so that they could support me as well. She was there for me even when we'd had a huge fight. She believes in me and I believe in her. Time and distance will never change that. She cares deeply for those around her and she will fight for them. Always.
Kayla and I met three years ago at college. She was the poor unsuspecting Freshman and I was the older, used-to-college-life student happy to make a new friend. She was so quiet, I honestly thought she didn't like me. Seriously, I was chattering away while we were walking to church that first Sunday and she just quietly nodded and gave a few responses. I really didn't know what to think. Well, I am proud to say I "broke" her within a week and we quickly became best friends. She is kindhearted (even if she doesn't think so), smart, and she loves the people closest to her. She's not one to be judgmental.
These are two of the most beautiful women I have ever met.
 | ||||
| Sarah |
She is among the beautiful women I know in my life.
 | ||||
| Left to Right: Ty Lynn, Maddy, Amanda, Vanessa, Jennifer, Nessa, Me |
Jennifer is the oldest of us girls in the Featherstone clan. She is married with three beautiful children and a husband in the Army. She is one of the strongest women I know. I've watched as she has raised her children in a world less appealing than the one we grew up in. I've seen her strength as she supports her husband while he is away from home serving our country. I've seen her exercise faith in God as she faced the trials that life threw at her.
Nessa. She has been through more in her life than I think I could ever have the strength for. She has a determination that could put political leaders to shame. She fights for those she cares about, and she loves helping people. She has had her fair share of struggles, and I know she doubts her ability at times. But I also know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she is an incredible woman, and that she's going to move mountains someday.
Amanda is my baby sister (despite being taller than me...cursed genes...). She loves to laugh and while she can be silly, she can also be very serious and give some of the best advice I've ever had. She has an incredible amount of faith and I am always amazed at how easily it comes to her. She has had her moments, as all of us do, but she is strong and I admire her for that.
This is my sister Bethany.
 |
| Bethany |
She and I went to school together pretty much our whole lives until we got to college! She was serving an LDS mission when our mom passed away. She had the strength and courage to stay in the field and see her mission through to the end. She is dedicated, hard working, caring, and very smart. She and her husband are expecting a baby this fall and I know she will make an amazing mom!
Ty Lynn, Vanessa, and Kara (unfortunately not featured in the picture above and not in any pictures I presently have...) are my sisters in law, but that doesn't change how amazing they are! Ty and Vanessa are amazing mothers with big hearts, and Kara has stuck with my brother James through a lot. I am grateful to have them all in my life!
 | |
| Maddy |
This is my older sister Maddy. She was born with downs syndrome. She is one of my absolute favorite people in the whole stinkin' world! She laughs easily, loves to tease, loves to give and get hugs, can always bring a smile to my face, and loves unconditionally. She is an angel, of that I have no doubt. She will not judge you because of what you do, how you look, or what you believe. She is a living example of te pure love of Christ in my life, and I am so grateful I have been blessed to call her my sister.
 | ||||||||
| Mom |
I want to add another beautiful woman to this list. My step mom, Betty. She and my dad have been married for almost two years, and I can honestly tell you she is wonderful. She is humble, loving, and caring. She is so willing to give love to her step children, even if she doesn't have to. She has taken care of my dad and my sisters when she didn't have to. And for that, I am grateful.
These women are beautiful.
These beautiful, incredible, amazing women I have shared with you today may not be the next Angelina Jolie or Beyonce, but they are beautiful. They are beautiful because of hearts, their spirits. The good that they put into the world and the love they share with those around them.
Finally...
 | |
| Me |
While my main focus was on women, guys, you are important too. You're just as special, just as precious, just as incredible. We are all important, special, precious, and of great worth. Nothing we do or say will ever diminish that worth.
We're all beautiful!!!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Over 500 Pageviews! WOW!
I know it's late so I'll make this short, but I just looked at my stats for this blog and I have had over 500 pageviews since I started it! That is so freaking awesome!
The majority of those views come from the USA with 400 with Russia coming in at number two with almost 40. Turkey and Germany are next with double digit pageviews themselves, followed by my readers in Israel, South Korea, Belarus, Netherlands, Belgium, and Canada.
I find it fascinating that despite being as ordinary as I am, there are so many people interested in what I have to say. Whether what I write is actually interesting or not, I don't know, but it's still awesome.
Anyways, goodnight and sweet dreams.
To my international readers in other timezones, have a fantastic day! :D
The majority of those views come from the USA with 400 with Russia coming in at number two with almost 40. Turkey and Germany are next with double digit pageviews themselves, followed by my readers in Israel, South Korea, Belarus, Netherlands, Belgium, and Canada.
I find it fascinating that despite being as ordinary as I am, there are so many people interested in what I have to say. Whether what I write is actually interesting or not, I don't know, but it's still awesome.
Anyways, goodnight and sweet dreams.
To my international readers in other timezones, have a fantastic day! :D
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Beauty Project
Recently I was called to be the Relief Society Secretary for my Singles Ward. That in an of itself was an experience I will have to share but at a later date. Anyways, I have been assigned to teach a lesson in Relief Society at the end of next month, and I have been trying to think of what to teach about.
I have been struggling as of late with self-confidence and my own self image. Not that I have super low self confidence or image really, but I know it could be so much better. I have struggled with believing that I am beautiful and loving myself as I am. This may come as a shock to some people, mostly because I do a great job at hiding it and pretending it doesn't bother me. Do be honest, for a long time it didn't. It was just something in the back of my mind that I never really thought about. It wasn't important.
But, after my last post I decided that it was time to change. It was time for me to begin working towards that place where I can look at myself in the mirror and say, "Yes, I am beautiful and I love myself" and mean it. I mean, I could look in the mirror all day and tell myself that, but it doesn't mean I believe it. I have several things to work on, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but I am willing to work on them and I have every intention of making it to that place.
Thus sparked the idea for my beauty project. It began March 10 and so far I have been feeling better. Still not where I want to be, but that is alright.
My plan is to work on loving myself, work on believing that I am beautiful and that I am of value, and when the time comes, I want my lesson to those beautiful Relief Society sisters I get to teach to be about how much worth they have, how beautiful they are. I want them to know how much they are loved. And I want to share my journey with them.
To do that, I have been trying to keep a journal account of each day that I am doing this project. As many of you know, I am horrible at journal writing (about as bad as my blog updating) but I am not going to let that stop me from trying. If you make a goal and fail it just means you have to try a little harder next time. It in no way says you are incapable of doing it.
The reason I am telling all of you about this is I want to share some of my experiences with you as well. Perhaps include some excerpts from my "Beautiful Diary" that I am keeping. For now, we'll just leave it as an introduction.
Have a beautiful day everyone, because you are worth it and you deserve it!
I have been struggling as of late with self-confidence and my own self image. Not that I have super low self confidence or image really, but I know it could be so much better. I have struggled with believing that I am beautiful and loving myself as I am. This may come as a shock to some people, mostly because I do a great job at hiding it and pretending it doesn't bother me. Do be honest, for a long time it didn't. It was just something in the back of my mind that I never really thought about. It wasn't important.
But, after my last post I decided that it was time to change. It was time for me to begin working towards that place where I can look at myself in the mirror and say, "Yes, I am beautiful and I love myself" and mean it. I mean, I could look in the mirror all day and tell myself that, but it doesn't mean I believe it. I have several things to work on, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but I am willing to work on them and I have every intention of making it to that place.
Thus sparked the idea for my beauty project. It began March 10 and so far I have been feeling better. Still not where I want to be, but that is alright.
My plan is to work on loving myself, work on believing that I am beautiful and that I am of value, and when the time comes, I want my lesson to those beautiful Relief Society sisters I get to teach to be about how much worth they have, how beautiful they are. I want them to know how much they are loved. And I want to share my journey with them.
To do that, I have been trying to keep a journal account of each day that I am doing this project. As many of you know, I am horrible at journal writing (about as bad as my blog updating) but I am not going to let that stop me from trying. If you make a goal and fail it just means you have to try a little harder next time. It in no way says you are incapable of doing it.
The reason I am telling all of you about this is I want to share some of my experiences with you as well. Perhaps include some excerpts from my "Beautiful Diary" that I am keeping. For now, we'll just leave it as an introduction.
Have a beautiful day everyone, because you are worth it and you deserve it!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Feels...Ugh...
So, last night I had an interesting experience. When I say interesting I mean I haven't had an experience quite like it before. It wasn't anything severe or super bad, so don't worry about that.
Two of my friends who live up north came down for a visit. We played games, ate food, and had a glowstick dance party (by the way, ever broken open a glow stick and dumped the glowy stuff into a bottle of Bubbles? You should, it's so awesome).
The last game of the night was like a modern version of Clue. Tons of fun, but I was so super tired I really didn't bring my A-game, that's for sure. Anywho, as we were playing I closed my eyes for a bit and thought about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend to lean my head on and just fall asleep.
That's when the thought came to me that it wasn't going to happen.
Immediately I opened my eyes and, in my head, questioned what just happened. It wasn't like one of those moments when you're at a wedding and it seems like every other person in the room has someone while you're sitting alone and you think, "I'm never going to find a guy." No, it was less dramatic and more...final I guess.
It was weird because I didn't start to feel bad about it at all. It was just a fact (or seemed like one), like "The sky is blue" or "Snow is cold." Just "You're not going to get a boyfriend."
How awful is that? I mean seriously. In my mind's defense I was rather tired and it was about 1:00 in the morning. But, still, that was totally uncalled for.
Of course, my mind added to that thought, "at least not for a very long time." After it had so bluntly thought that it wasn't going to happen at all, I couldn't help doubting the last bit just a little and finally came to the "conclusion" that, for the rest of my life or the majority of it, I would be single.
Though these thoughts were depressing (REALLY depressing) I didn't feel anything. It was weird, kind of like being in a daze after you've been hit with something. You know there's pain, and you should be feeling it, but you just...don't.
This morning when I woke up I was starting to feel the melancholy of those lingering thoughts and honestly they have been a distraction all day. These thoughts have started to pave the way for other unhappy thoughts, such as "How can I be so amazing and so great, yet I've never had a boyfriend, when girls who aren't in any better place (not necessarily worse, but not better) than I am have or do?"
I know what anyone who is in a relationship (dating or married) will probably say. "Oh, don't worry, you're time will come" or "When it happens it'll be worth it" and "It will happen when it's supposed to", etc. I appreciate their sentiments, and I realize that at one point they have been on this side of the fence so they do have something up on me in that way, but seriously, it doesn't help. It doesn't make me feel any better having someone tell me that because telling isn't enough. How do you know someone loves and cares about you? They show you and honestly, there hasn't been a whole lot of showing for me (and I swear if anyone says anything about me not trying hard enough I will sooo not be pleased. You don't know where I've been or what I've done in that regards, and those that do, know that I HAVE TRIED).
Then there are the questions of what have I done with my life? Has anything that I've done or been through made any kind of a difference? Most importantly, where the heck am I going? I mean, I know that I want to get my Bachelor's degree in Theater and I want to become a published author, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, but then what? Where the heck am I supposed to go after that? It's like I'm traveling down a road towards something but I can't see what it is. I have no idea what it is. Some people would say, "You don't have to know, just enjoy the journey" but how do I know I'm even on the right path? How do I know I'm even going in the right direction, not so much that I'm making good choices vs. bad choices, but that the choices are the best choices vs. good or better?
I know I need to ask, but to be honest, I'm not sure I trust myself enough to get the answer I'm supposed to. There have been times in the past where I felt so sure that I had the right answer and then it was just gone and I was wrong.
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
Don't worry everyone, I will be fine. I'm just in a funk right now and needed to get these thoughts and feelings out of my head.
In spite of feeling this way and not being too sure about a lot of things, there are a few things that I am absolutely sure of. God lives and loves me just as much as anyone else in this world. Jesus Christ is my Savior and He loves me so much that He gave His life and suffered through so much so that I have a chance to make it back to the presence of my Heavenly Father. Finally, the Church is TRUE.
These things I know, and nothing will ever change that.
Two of my friends who live up north came down for a visit. We played games, ate food, and had a glowstick dance party (by the way, ever broken open a glow stick and dumped the glowy stuff into a bottle of Bubbles? You should, it's so awesome).
The last game of the night was like a modern version of Clue. Tons of fun, but I was so super tired I really didn't bring my A-game, that's for sure. Anywho, as we were playing I closed my eyes for a bit and thought about how nice it would be to have a boyfriend to lean my head on and just fall asleep.
That's when the thought came to me that it wasn't going to happen.
Immediately I opened my eyes and, in my head, questioned what just happened. It wasn't like one of those moments when you're at a wedding and it seems like every other person in the room has someone while you're sitting alone and you think, "I'm never going to find a guy." No, it was less dramatic and more...final I guess.
It was weird because I didn't start to feel bad about it at all. It was just a fact (or seemed like one), like "The sky is blue" or "Snow is cold." Just "You're not going to get a boyfriend."
How awful is that? I mean seriously. In my mind's defense I was rather tired and it was about 1:00 in the morning. But, still, that was totally uncalled for.
Of course, my mind added to that thought, "at least not for a very long time." After it had so bluntly thought that it wasn't going to happen at all, I couldn't help doubting the last bit just a little and finally came to the "conclusion" that, for the rest of my life or the majority of it, I would be single.
Though these thoughts were depressing (REALLY depressing) I didn't feel anything. It was weird, kind of like being in a daze after you've been hit with something. You know there's pain, and you should be feeling it, but you just...don't.
This morning when I woke up I was starting to feel the melancholy of those lingering thoughts and honestly they have been a distraction all day. These thoughts have started to pave the way for other unhappy thoughts, such as "How can I be so amazing and so great, yet I've never had a boyfriend, when girls who aren't in any better place (not necessarily worse, but not better) than I am have or do?"
I know what anyone who is in a relationship (dating or married) will probably say. "Oh, don't worry, you're time will come" or "When it happens it'll be worth it" and "It will happen when it's supposed to", etc. I appreciate their sentiments, and I realize that at one point they have been on this side of the fence so they do have something up on me in that way, but seriously, it doesn't help. It doesn't make me feel any better having someone tell me that because telling isn't enough. How do you know someone loves and cares about you? They show you and honestly, there hasn't been a whole lot of showing for me (and I swear if anyone says anything about me not trying hard enough I will sooo not be pleased. You don't know where I've been or what I've done in that regards, and those that do, know that I HAVE TRIED).
Then there are the questions of what have I done with my life? Has anything that I've done or been through made any kind of a difference? Most importantly, where the heck am I going? I mean, I know that I want to get my Bachelor's degree in Theater and I want to become a published author, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, but then what? Where the heck am I supposed to go after that? It's like I'm traveling down a road towards something but I can't see what it is. I have no idea what it is. Some people would say, "You don't have to know, just enjoy the journey" but how do I know I'm even on the right path? How do I know I'm even going in the right direction, not so much that I'm making good choices vs. bad choices, but that the choices are the best choices vs. good or better?
I know I need to ask, but to be honest, I'm not sure I trust myself enough to get the answer I'm supposed to. There have been times in the past where I felt so sure that I had the right answer and then it was just gone and I was wrong.
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
Don't worry everyone, I will be fine. I'm just in a funk right now and needed to get these thoughts and feelings out of my head.
In spite of feeling this way and not being too sure about a lot of things, there are a few things that I am absolutely sure of. God lives and loves me just as much as anyone else in this world. Jesus Christ is my Savior and He loves me so much that He gave His life and suffered through so much so that I have a chance to make it back to the presence of my Heavenly Father. Finally, the Church is TRUE.
These things I know, and nothing will ever change that.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
My Announcement and Amazing Weekend
No I am not having a baby, getting married, have a boyfriend, or even going on a date. Sorry to disappoint everyone who read the title of this post and expected my announcement to be something of that sort. It is an announcement, and it is something that is very important to me because it involves the pursuit of my goal and while it will not seem "phenomenal" to some people, I know that the people whose opinions actually matter will understand how valuable and important this is to me. And quite frankly, that's all that matters. :)
This weekend I have had the incredible opportunity to go to Life, the Universe, and Everything, a writer's conference in Provo, UT (for more information about the conference, I have included the link to their website under my "Links" page. Also, anyone that understands that reference, you rock my socks and we totally should get together and have a "42" party. Don't know what that is, but we'll figure it out). This conference was exactly what I needed, both in my writing and for my life in general.
I say life in general because firstly, I was dying to have a break from the tedious monotony of my job. Don't get me wrong, my job is not horrible or in any way a bad job, I just don't get as much joy and excitement out of it as other people. It has been pure heaven to take a break and do something for the past three days that revolves around something I do enjoy, and love more than almost anything else. Well, with the exception of the most important things like God, my family, my friends, and cookies. ;)
Secondly, it provided me with the opportunity to spend time, albeit, only a short amount thus far, with family, something else that I absolutely love. For anyone that doesn't know me personally, or anyone that hasn't read my blog previously, let me tell you that I love my family so, so, SO much! They are all amazing, wonderful, beautiful people and I feel so incredibly blessed to have been born into the family I have!
This next point of why this weekend was awesome ties into the whole family thing but in a different way, so I'm going to call it reason 2.5. After the first panel I went to Thursday morning (which was a discussion about Tolkien's The Hobbit: The Book and the Movies between authors Paul Genesse, Blake Casselman, David Farland, and Tracy Hickman) I had the opportunity to meet Tracy and Laura Hickman. For those who do not know, Tracy Hickman is the author of the Dragon Lance series, and several other books. My brothers and my mom really love the Dragon Lance series, so it was a real honor to meet them.
How does this tie into family? Well, I have known for the years that my family was related to Laura Hickman somehow (a cousin of some sort). When I talked to Laura and told her this, she explained how her father was the oldest of 13 children (my grandfather was the youngest of 13). I told her my grandfather's name and surprise, surprise, she's my mom's 1st cousin! She talked about how she would go camping with my mom's family and how close the two of them were. I felt bad telling her my mom passed away when she asked me how she was doing. Anyways, afterwards when I was saying goodbye she asked if she could give me a hug. Naturally, I said yes, and she told me it was great meeting a cousin. TOTALLY made my day to say the least.
Thirdly, I had the opportunity to listen to a panel called "Mormon Perspectives on Tolkien" and it gave me an incredible, spiritual boost that I really needed. You have to understand, I love, love, LOVE the Lord of the Rings (after seeing The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey I have resolved to re-read that book as well, since I had a hard time getting into it the first time and never finished it). It's not just the beautiful and epic story that it contains, or the many intricate details and that there are, in fact, multiple story arcs throughout. It's that the story itself, seeing Frodo and the Fellowship as they go on their journey together and eventually part ways to take on their own personal journeys, is something that I can connect with on a very personal level.
Trials, troubles, loss, and even that despair where you feel like you can never get through it, that there seems to be no way to ever find joy and happiness again, is something that I have faced several times in my life. But then you get to the end and you see that yes, there is hope, there is light, you just have to press on to the end because you're not there yet.
"Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end" -Unknown-
Totally, totally, awesome!
Now, that's how the weekend has impacted my life as a person. On to the writer part...
I learned so many things in regards to writing, not only involving story content, but also in regards to publishing and actually making the time in my life to write. There was so much valuable information that I was able to glean from the workshops and panels that I couldn't possibly begin to share all of it with you. If you want the full story, we'll have to have a personal chat. ;)
The point is, and this is where my announcement comes into play, this weekend has built up my will and determination to reach my goal of becoming published and being a successful author. I have made the decision that my writing will no longer be just a hobby, as it has been for so many years. It is going to become an integral part of my life and eventually become my living, my career. I have committed to do all I can to reach that goal.
In light of this, I have created a new blog page to help keep me on track and to help me be more accountable for reaching that goal. This blog will have a weekly update of where I am at with my project and just the process of it all really. This project may take me months, it may take over a year, but that's not the point. It isn't about how fast I get it done. It's about getting it done, and succeeding.
So, for all of you reading this post, please, please, PLEASE follow me on my new blog page! Even if you just become a follower and never read any of my posts, knowing I have people there to support me and that want me to succeed at this as much as I want to (even if it's just an illusion) will be a huge help to me!
Thank you to all of my readers thus far, and I look forward to this journey ahead!
Blog of an Aspiring Author
www.leblogofanaspiringauthor.blogspot.com
This weekend I have had the incredible opportunity to go to Life, the Universe, and Everything, a writer's conference in Provo, UT (for more information about the conference, I have included the link to their website under my "Links" page. Also, anyone that understands that reference, you rock my socks and we totally should get together and have a "42" party. Don't know what that is, but we'll figure it out). This conference was exactly what I needed, both in my writing and for my life in general.
I say life in general because firstly, I was dying to have a break from the tedious monotony of my job. Don't get me wrong, my job is not horrible or in any way a bad job, I just don't get as much joy and excitement out of it as other people. It has been pure heaven to take a break and do something for the past three days that revolves around something I do enjoy, and love more than almost anything else. Well, with the exception of the most important things like God, my family, my friends, and cookies. ;)
Secondly, it provided me with the opportunity to spend time, albeit, only a short amount thus far, with family, something else that I absolutely love. For anyone that doesn't know me personally, or anyone that hasn't read my blog previously, let me tell you that I love my family so, so, SO much! They are all amazing, wonderful, beautiful people and I feel so incredibly blessed to have been born into the family I have!
This next point of why this weekend was awesome ties into the whole family thing but in a different way, so I'm going to call it reason 2.5. After the first panel I went to Thursday morning (which was a discussion about Tolkien's The Hobbit: The Book and the Movies between authors Paul Genesse, Blake Casselman, David Farland, and Tracy Hickman) I had the opportunity to meet Tracy and Laura Hickman. For those who do not know, Tracy Hickman is the author of the Dragon Lance series, and several other books. My brothers and my mom really love the Dragon Lance series, so it was a real honor to meet them.
How does this tie into family? Well, I have known for the years that my family was related to Laura Hickman somehow (a cousin of some sort). When I talked to Laura and told her this, she explained how her father was the oldest of 13 children (my grandfather was the youngest of 13). I told her my grandfather's name and surprise, surprise, she's my mom's 1st cousin! She talked about how she would go camping with my mom's family and how close the two of them were. I felt bad telling her my mom passed away when she asked me how she was doing. Anyways, afterwards when I was saying goodbye she asked if she could give me a hug. Naturally, I said yes, and she told me it was great meeting a cousin. TOTALLY made my day to say the least.
Thirdly, I had the opportunity to listen to a panel called "Mormon Perspectives on Tolkien" and it gave me an incredible, spiritual boost that I really needed. You have to understand, I love, love, LOVE the Lord of the Rings (after seeing The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey I have resolved to re-read that book as well, since I had a hard time getting into it the first time and never finished it). It's not just the beautiful and epic story that it contains, or the many intricate details and that there are, in fact, multiple story arcs throughout. It's that the story itself, seeing Frodo and the Fellowship as they go on their journey together and eventually part ways to take on their own personal journeys, is something that I can connect with on a very personal level.
Trials, troubles, loss, and even that despair where you feel like you can never get through it, that there seems to be no way to ever find joy and happiness again, is something that I have faced several times in my life. But then you get to the end and you see that yes, there is hope, there is light, you just have to press on to the end because you're not there yet.
"Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end" -Unknown-
Totally, totally, awesome!
Now, that's how the weekend has impacted my life as a person. On to the writer part...
I learned so many things in regards to writing, not only involving story content, but also in regards to publishing and actually making the time in my life to write. There was so much valuable information that I was able to glean from the workshops and panels that I couldn't possibly begin to share all of it with you. If you want the full story, we'll have to have a personal chat. ;)
The point is, and this is where my announcement comes into play, this weekend has built up my will and determination to reach my goal of becoming published and being a successful author. I have made the decision that my writing will no longer be just a hobby, as it has been for so many years. It is going to become an integral part of my life and eventually become my living, my career. I have committed to do all I can to reach that goal.
In light of this, I have created a new blog page to help keep me on track and to help me be more accountable for reaching that goal. This blog will have a weekly update of where I am at with my project and just the process of it all really. This project may take me months, it may take over a year, but that's not the point. It isn't about how fast I get it done. It's about getting it done, and succeeding.
So, for all of you reading this post, please, please, PLEASE follow me on my new blog page! Even if you just become a follower and never read any of my posts, knowing I have people there to support me and that want me to succeed at this as much as I want to (even if it's just an illusion) will be a huge help to me!
Thank you to all of my readers thus far, and I look forward to this journey ahead!
Blog of an Aspiring Author
www.leblogofanaspiringauthor.blogspot.com
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Joy in the Journey
I have had a lot on my mind lately, and I have been telling myself I really need to write a blog post, but for one reason or another I kept putting it off, finding other things to do or just simply running out of time in the day.
I have thought a great deal about how I handle my situation in life. I often find myself regretting that I am not where I want to be, like married with kids or teaching drama. It can get discouraging, especially when you see people around you who are enjoying the things you want so desperately.
Recently, I read a blog post from the old CEO of the company I work at. Amy, the author of the blog, has an incredible ability to be positive, productive, and whenever I read her posts I feel so much better (when the time comes for me to leave my current job, I fully intend to continue reading her posts).
Anyways, back to the post, she talked about how rather than wishing we were where we want to be, we should take time to enjoy the journey, enjoy the steps we are taking to get to that place.
It was a perfect post for me to read, particularly since I have been spending the past few months wishing I was where I want to be, that the waiting was over. Her post was a wonderful reminder that I should enjoy my journey towards that goal.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, gave a talk in the Saturday morning session of General Conference October 2012. In the talk he referenced an experience with his wife, in which they were out riding their bicycles, and President Uchtdorf mentioned that there were times when they would be passed up by other bikers, and he would tell his wife that they should be more competitive and push themselves a little more.
Sister Uchtdorf's response: "Dieter, it's not a race; it's a journey. Enjoy the moment."
He continued, saying, "Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. . . Doesn't is seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?
"Do we listen to beautiful music waiting for the final note to fade before we allow ourselves to truly enjoy it? . . . Do we say our prayers with only the 'amen' or the end in mind? . . .
"We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available--all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" General Conference, Oct. 2012)
As a sophomore in high school I had the opportunity to take part in the Day of Celebration, an event organized to celebrate the birth of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Jr. and the organization of the Church. I was a member of the choir (which was HUGE by the way. We took up the entire north end zone of Rice-Eccles stadium at the University of Utah) and one of the songs we sang is titled "Joy in the Journey". I would like to share some of the lyrics with you.
There is joy in the journey
Joy in the climb
Twisting and turning
Reaching for the open sky
Carving out each footstep
In the struggling we find
There is hope, and there is Joy
In the Jorney
Have a fabulous day everyone, and remember to find joy in your journey!
I have thought a great deal about how I handle my situation in life. I often find myself regretting that I am not where I want to be, like married with kids or teaching drama. It can get discouraging, especially when you see people around you who are enjoying the things you want so desperately.
Recently, I read a blog post from the old CEO of the company I work at. Amy, the author of the blog, has an incredible ability to be positive, productive, and whenever I read her posts I feel so much better (when the time comes for me to leave my current job, I fully intend to continue reading her posts).
Anyways, back to the post, she talked about how rather than wishing we were where we want to be, we should take time to enjoy the journey, enjoy the steps we are taking to get to that place.
It was a perfect post for me to read, particularly since I have been spending the past few months wishing I was where I want to be, that the waiting was over. Her post was a wonderful reminder that I should enjoy my journey towards that goal.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, gave a talk in the Saturday morning session of General Conference October 2012. In the talk he referenced an experience with his wife, in which they were out riding their bicycles, and President Uchtdorf mentioned that there were times when they would be passed up by other bikers, and he would tell his wife that they should be more competitive and push themselves a little more.
Sister Uchtdorf's response: "Dieter, it's not a race; it's a journey. Enjoy the moment."
He continued, saying, "Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. . . Doesn't is seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?
"Do we listen to beautiful music waiting for the final note to fade before we allow ourselves to truly enjoy it? . . . Do we say our prayers with only the 'amen' or the end in mind? . . .
"We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available--all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" General Conference, Oct. 2012)
As a sophomore in high school I had the opportunity to take part in the Day of Celebration, an event organized to celebrate the birth of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Jr. and the organization of the Church. I was a member of the choir (which was HUGE by the way. We took up the entire north end zone of Rice-Eccles stadium at the University of Utah) and one of the songs we sang is titled "Joy in the Journey". I would like to share some of the lyrics with you.
There is joy in the journey
Joy in the climb
Twisting and turning
Reaching for the open sky
Carving out each footstep
In the struggling we find
There is hope, and there is Joy
In the Jorney
Have a fabulous day everyone, and remember to find joy in your journey!
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